Musings Episode 89: Convince No One…

Sappy Sunday.

Happy.*

Happy Sunday.

Happy and Sappy Sunday?

I don’t know/care…let’s just start.

Musings Episode 89: Convince No One…

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Well….last week was exhausting.

I generally grow tired and exhausted when I’m required to engage in social contact that involves…people I don’t want to engage in social contact with.

So…when this happens, it feels like a battery that’s being drained and in desperate need of a recharge – I’m that battery.

There are also times when this happens that it feels like a battery that’s going to overload and explode – I am also that battery.

On both occasions, generally one of the exchanges that count as exhausting are whenever I’m talking to some egotistical slack-jawed junkslut – mostly in business.

Personal-life wise, I do a pretty good job of avoiding those types all together.

…and by “those types” I just mean someone up their own ass.

If you read my previous posts on ego and competition, there are a plethora of bad eggs like this in today’s time.

I’ve always been on the side of the argument that narcissism and egoism aren’t the same, and that in a world of this or that, narcissism is better than being insecure any day.

Largely because of the fact that when insecure people talk, in my experience many of them always seem to need convincing.

Convincing that they’re doing a good job.

Convincing that they’re loved.

Convincing that they’re a wonderful person.

Convincing that life doesn’t suck half as bad as they think it does.

Convincing that their friends really like them.

Convincing that their grandma (who’s been dead for like a millennium) really did love them.

They need convincing no matter how many times you may try to lift them up.

Don’t get me wrong – there’s nothing wrong with a little reassurance – but there’s a fine line.

With convincing, approval likes to tag along.

That is to say, insecurity often brings along the habit of a person doing things to seek approval.

Being a “people pleaser”.

Narcissists on the other hand, are interesting in the sense that they already tell themselves everyone loves them, they’re the best thing since sliced bread, and everything they do is like the first time something really useful was invented for human kind.

Like the lightbulb.

Or condoms.

They also obsess over being the best…which in turn, often makes them push themselves to be the best.

There are narcissist that are really just insecure people masquerading as narcissist (like Trump), I think, but that’s another story for another time.

So what am I getting at here…right – convincing.

Yeah, stop doing that shit.

It’s your life.

Stop bending over backwards to try to prove yourself if you already know you’ve made something decent or are making something decent of yourself when it comes to personal development.

Oddly, in several relationships across the board it seems like people need to be convinced more and more about different things.

Are people growing more insecure?

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Take business for instance. Remember the good old days where you just swung by a company, maybe sweet talked the receptionist into getting you a spot to see the boss, or walked in regularly and asked to see the person in charge because you saw an ad in the paper?

You put in your CV/resumé, you either got seen the next day, or same day, had an informal chat, and before you knew it you were hired?

There were no 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, interviews plus one drink-the-blood-of-a-goat final 5th ritual interview, just because they needed to cross-examine to make sure they were convinced enough to hire you.

There was no portfolio you had to present, no vague requests to “prove a track record of success” without actually specifying exactly what they’re looking for.

A guy looked at your CV, had a chat with you to see if what was on your CV wasn’t bullshit, and went with his gut.

There was an unsaid trust.

This amazingly managed to do just as good of a job as what recruiters are “trained” to do (but fail ever so miserably at) when it comes to ensuring people were hired based off of their talent or skills they could bring to a company, rather than nepotism or particularism.

Or for another example, take romantic relationships.

Remember when you could just walk up to someone, apologize for interrupting, and compliment them on something you really liked about them physically?

Or maybe you’d just be in the bookstore and strike up a conversation about a book you see someone considering buying and you’ve bought it before so hey great, conversation starter.

There’d either be a positive or negative reaction, you’d maybe swap numbers (home numbers, no mobile phones then), eventually go on dates, etc.

Once you were in the relationship, texting day-to-day wasn’t necessary nor was it possible.

The person just trusted that you liked them and them only, and when you both did call to meet up again, you valued it more.

You never really had to convince one another you were into each other, because each time you both met it was like meeting each other all over again – all due to a build up of the feeling of missing one another and looking forward to seeing each other.

Friendships are the same way. I could go on and on and on but I think you’re smart enough to draw up your own examples.

Along with a culture of busyness, of victim mentality, it seems like there’s a culture of a need to be convinced, which perpetuates a cycle of a need to prove, a desire for approval.

Nobody really says “prove it to me”.

Alright so maybe some business people do, but nobody really says prove it.

What are you, 5?

They won’t ever really say it because they don’t want to sound 5.

But actions speak loud enough to send the message without words ever having to leave the mouth.

I’m very much action oriented…so maybe this irritates me more than others.

But frankly, I don’t believe in people’s words.

Ironic, right?

A writer, who writes, and writes, and writes – but doesn’t believe other people’s words.

Well, maybe it’s a little more nuanced than that.

I believe people’s words, but I watch their actions.

I don’t believe in proving, don’t believe in convincing, and don’t seek approval.

I’ll take someone’s word, trust and expect them to do the action, and leave them to it.

If they don’t I don’t really care, because I don’t attach much weight to their words first time around.

I do believe that actions speak a lot louder than words, when carried out.

Largely because of the fact that as the desire from people, of people to prove themselves, to convince other people that they are what they are, can do what they can do, feel how they feel, and need what they need, increases…it only perpetuates the issue of words becoming devoid, meaningless – lip service.

Saying whatever it is someone wants to hear makes words’ value drop to absolute zero.

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Saying whatever it is someone wants to hear increases the need for actual proof through actions to be carried out.

In people wanting others to convince them, to prove to them, whatever it is that they want proof or convincing of, it makes it harder to separate the real from the pleaser.

The true from the false.

The raw from the sugar-coated.

Which creates the theory that if people realized the weight of their words, the value of their words, they wouldn’t use them so superfluously.

They wouldn’t just spit off at the mouth.

They would think before speaking…and this would quite possibly restore value to words used.

Trust ties in with this. When a person constantly needs convincing or proof, they lack trust.

You can’t cure that.

You can’t make someone trust you.

It just has to happen.

So if you can’t make someone trust you, and they’re not willing to let themselves trust you, you can’t really convince them either.

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Photo by Simon Shim on Unsplash

If you’re someone who doesn’t seek approval, this can be pretty frustrating.

So here’s the simple solution to at least clear your head.

Just say it.

Say it to the insecure types, the untrustworthy types of people you may encounter in life.

“I’m not going to convince you.”

But only say it on the basis your words carry fucking weight.

Two things can happen.

They either will disengage in conversation with you, and that’s that, or they’ll realize your lack of attempting to use a silver tongue means there is truth in what you speak.

Stop pandering to insecure people.

Catering to such a frame of mind will inevitably snowball into our downfall as human beings.

Think about it.

Stay cool…

– Rego

Improve Your Lifestyle. Improve Yourself. This is Life. This is Rego’s Life.™

Musings Episode 89: Convince No One… is a post from and appeared first on Rego’s Life

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Musings Episode 86: Give Back…

Hope everyone’s having a great weekend.

Let’s just get started.

Musings Episode 86: Give Back…

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This week’s had me thinking about some things…

Last week, I wrote about ego.

This week, I wanted to expand on that but change the tempo a little.

I managed to watch The Philadelphia Story over the weekend. A favourite of mine but something I haven’t seen in a while…and something hit me.

We live in a world where a lot’s going on right now.

Not to say that every generation hasn’t – but let’s stop sugar coating – humans on autopilot have a habit of continually reaching all time lows before redeeming themselves by remembering to be “human” again.

Generally, it’s a few shitty people that make things worse for the less shitty ones.

We’ve got the shitty ones trying to shift things right now.

When it comes to this thing called life and living it, our chosen currency is a bunch of IOUs – fiat currency.

Everyone works for it, whether you’re working for someone or having someone work for you.

Entrepreneurs put in work early so they don’t have to later, or work outside of work while still being employed.

People who work as employees that don’t choose the route of an entrepreneur put in a lot of hours to build an entrepreneur’s dream.

To the entrepreneurs reading this, let that last one sink in for a minute.

If you’ve got employees working for you, who believe in you, who give value in their work and don’t shirk their responsibilities, who don’t mind building your dream, and are perfectly content with just collecting a cheque every couple of weeks or every month, it’s important to remember that they, too, have lives.

While some may not have the balls to learn to say “no,” don’t be a douchebag and work them around the clock.

Like I mentioned in an earlier post, employees are a flock of sheep, while entrepreneurs are wolves.

Both the wolf and the sheep rely on being fed, albeit in two different ways.

But entrepreneurs whose entrepreneurial pursuits require employees on a large structured scale (like a company)…well they kind of turn into shepherds.

If you’ve got employees, or a business that isn’t automated or built off royalties, you can be one of two types of shepherds.

The one that looks at their sheep like they’re there to sustain you – by providing wool, milk, and cheese.

Or you can just look at them like they’re dispensable and ready to be slaughtered at any given time for meat.

The latter way of thinking will feed you, but only for a brief period.

While the former will feed you, clothe you, and take care of you long-term – contingent on the fact you take care of them, assuring no harm comes to them that’s not self-inflicted.

You can see where I’m going with this.

If you’re going to be an entrepreneur, don’t be a dick.

Remember to give back, while building your dream.

Because ultimately, it’s your employees that help sustain you.

If you’re an entrepreneur without employees, still remember to give back to your customers/consumers, while building your dream.

Don’t always look for people to buy what you’re selling, but remember to throw in some freebies that provide value, here and there, on a consistent basis.

I think this is important.

While I’m not religious, I will say this is kind of like a sort of tithe – not to a church, but to the people who are taking the time out to take interest in what you have to say, do, sell.

This is especially true just starting out, but also important to remember to continue when you reach the success you want.

Don’t just run around asking people to pay attention to what you have going on – take interest in them too.

Social media is ironically not very social anymore.

You’ve got more businesses running around liking other businesses’ stuff just to try to promote their own products.

It’s one of the reasons why I made my social media accounts private for some time.

It gets boring having people write asking you to promote their brand – with no consideration of reciprocation or perhaps actually liking what it is you’re doing.

The world needs more collaboration – not favour asking.

Collaboration unlocks the potential to lead to genuine engagement – not forced.

This is especially the case when it comes to business to business, but even more so when it comes to employers with their employees.

Collaborate with your employees, especially with the ones who really show good work ethic – make sure their needs are being met just as much as yours. Make sure you’re giving them work-life balance.

And when I say work ethic, I don’t mean the ones that are constantly staying at the office late or there early – that’s not work ethic, that’s just putting their life into the company.

Stop the bad habit by disallowing them to do this.

And don’t think you can compensate them by making your office more “fun”.

Outside of work they have lives too – remind them of it.

This culture of busyness has everything all screwed up.

It used to be a sign of wealth when people had time to live their lives – now it seems like he who has the least time is most successful – don’t kid yourself.

You’re robbing yourself of life when you do this if you’re an employee, and you’re robbing your employees of their lives when you make them do this if you’re an employer.

Employees have to start recognising their value, and employers have to start respecting that value.

One more important thing.

If you’re an entrepreneur and you see you have employees who are entrepreneurial minded like yourself, don’t covet them; don’t hold them back; don’t refuse to hire them; and don’t fire them, if you see that one day they’ll leave your company.

As long as a currency system exists, everyone needs money.

Give them a chance to build their life, the way they want to, just as someone gave you a chance.

And when someone’s ready to leave your employment, let them, without malice or hatred – in the words of Enchiridion, we own nothing – and especially no one – in this world.

Appreciate the value they’ve provided you, then when they feel it’s their time to grow as a person, let them, and wish them well when they move on.

Give back.

Give back to your customers, your employees, your business partners you ask to collaborate with you.

The same can be applied outside the context of business.

Give back – to your friends, your family, the stranger that holds the door open for you, the person that says thanks, and the cashier that smiles and says hello when you go for groceries.

Don’t let your ego take over.

Give back by not being a dick – give back by being a decent human being.

As always…

Stay awesome.

– Rego

Improve Your Lifestyle. Improve Yourself. This is Life. This is Rego’s Life.™

Musings Episode 86: Give Back… is a post from and appeared first on Rego’s Life

“When you believe…

Musings: Quote Wednesdays…

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A little mid-week inspiration. If you’re day after day doing something you believe in, whether it’s a sport, you’re business, a project, a piece of art, photography, or a new invention…believe in it 100% – and when you feel like quitting, remember why you started.

Believing in something partially, or doubting it, will only set you back tremendously. Start believing in yourself, and you can start believing in what you’re doing at any given moment – without fear, without hesitation, and without doubt.

As always…

Stay awesome.

– Rego

P.S. Quick side note – I’m gonna be posting a special today – a little Valentine’s “surprise” for this week onlyfill out this form and start following my official site and get 20% off kick starting your online business with any one of the Silver, Gold, or Platinum website creation packages I offer, plus a free course on how to monetize your site efficiently. New and more innovative stuff coming up in the shop real soon…look out for it by the end of this week. 😉

 

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“Change your thoughts…

Musings: Quote Wednesdays…

“Change your thoughts and you change your world.” Norman Vincent Peale

Our success is in our thoughts – so if you focus on the negative, the bad, the ugly, and the failures – you’ll get just that. If you focus on the positive, the good, the beautiful, and the success – you’ll get the positive…the good…the beautiful…and the success.

Always remember that.

Stay awesome. 😉

– Rego

P.S. – Go ahead and subscribe to my official site for a free eBook on How to Improve Your Lifestyle.

Musings Episode 19: Turning Bills into Leverage….? The Ultimate Cheat Sheet Tip for People with New Credit

A lot of people shun new credit if someone’s in their early to mid 20s. Consider it weird…awkward….odd. As many may know, credit is a big thing in the United States of America. Not so much in the United Kingdom. So when someone wet behind the ears turns 18 – the first thing they (usually) get in the mail are a bunch of credit card offers – that’s how it was when I hit that age.

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Though some things did change when Obama came into office and the biggest recession hit in 2008 since The Great Depression.

I remember when I got back to the states a few years ago, and decided to finally get into the loop of credit – but like I said – a LOT had changed then. On the one hand it was great – because it protected the less financially educated people who associated credit with consumerism – on the other hand, for the finance savvy counterparts such as myself, it made things far more difficult.

All sorts of questions were asked and statements made,

“How many lines of credit do you currently have?”

“Have you ever taken out any loans?”

“There’s no credit history of you anywhere.”

“If you don’t have any credit history we’re going to have to secure double (sometimes triple) the amount.”

“Why haven’t you gotten a credit card before?”

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Question after question piled in, and after finally believing that I had no desire to really have credit cards, advice and suggestions followed.

“The fastest way to build your credit is to take out a loan…don’t pay it off early – pay it according to the payment plan until the very last installment.”

“Apply for a secure credit card – put your own money on it and borrow from yourself.”

“Get a few consumer cards under your belt – you know, places like Target, Macy’s, etc – spend and then pay the balance.”

The last one really made me laugh…firstly, because I’m not much of a consumer at all (especially not at those stores), and secondly, buying just to buy makes no sense to me. While the media pushes consumerism and teaches society to accumulate – I’ve always been one to take opposite advice – besides, I don’t like clutter.

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The funny thing is, though minimal – I actually had credit history – just not in the USA, but instead abroad. So for me it was a little like starting from scratch all over again, except with far more jumps and hoops.

I finally got one decent credit card, from Capital One. Starting out, I mostly used it for gas and the occasional meal, and would pay off the balance weekly. This made my credit history with Capital One soar – not to mention one insanely awkward time where they “blocked” and held one of my payments – on account of me paying the balance down too rapidly – to which they heard the far less calmer, quiet version of Rego.

After that small hiccup, shortly after they offered me a credit line increase.

I kept at this, switching my payment methods to monthly, never with a minimum payment and always in full, until after a while combined with calling up and asking when the statement dates were, I had nearly two months available to pay the balance – interest free. On top of that I was getting free cash from them as well with cash back rewards.

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Within 6 months, this doubled my credit score. While this was all fine and dandy, I wanted to accelerate the process even more – and then it hit me. I was gaining leverage of time, with money that was practically mine to use without worry of giving anything back in return – just on time payments. Forget consumerism. If I was getting time, to pay something almost two months later, interest-free, and making a percentage of my cash back – why not take it a step further and pay my monthly bills with it?

Mind you, things such as accommodation and utilities, I still paid off my own separate accounts…but things like telephone, internet, insurance, even business expenses, I could easily pay off of the charge cards – and did.

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There were numerous reasons why this worked out to be in my best interest:

  • Leverage of time
  • Money I could use practically interest free without touching my own, for almost two months (which pretty much is the same thing as leverage of time)
  • Cash earned on interest free credit I was using
  • Better, more secure methods of paying bills – using a credit company if need arose to dispute a charge was far easier and resolved more quickly than with a debit card
  • Ability to build a track record of using lines of credit and keeping them in good standing

Present day, I stick with three solid cards, and try to keep my balances below 33% – which is extraordinarily easy. So really, if people are taught to think of credit less as a consumer opportunity, and more of a business one – there are many ways to win – allowing a person to go after bigger fish, by building credit faster.

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I’ll give you guys a good example of an excellent way to build your credit, keep the balances low, and leverage your time on payments made for your monthly bills. If you take 3 cards, and split them into categories – business, mandatory living expenses, and recurring leisure expenses – you can get your mind geared towards clearer, more strategic thinking – and take your way of seeing money to a new level.

So let’s say you used one card for business expenses – i.e. if you have a recurring monthly bill from Blue Host or Host Gator for a website you have – you can put that on the business card. Business trips where you’re buying gas? Business card.

How about mandatory living expenses? I say mandatory, because with the way the world operates today, this could easily apply to internet, telephone, and auto insurance – staple things like that. So you’ve got a recurring charge that comes out every month for auto insurance – then you put it on the living expenses card.

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Pretty good at managing money but still can’t let go of that Pandora One or PlayStation Plus subscription? Go weak in the knees for Netflix? Alright – that’s fine, I’ve got a weakness for Pandora One too – so put it on the leisure expense card.

It’s all very simple. If you can start looking at credit lines and charge cards this way – you can have a great time all around – and literally be laughing all the way to the bank. Because paying a credit card bill won’t seem like a task anymore – but an advantage.

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I’m seeing green.

Just remember these 4 key things:

  1. Always pay ON TIME
  2. Always pay IN FULL
  3. Always keep spending CATEGORIZED and SEPARATE
  4. Always keep the balance UNDER 33%

I know the last one may be hard starting out, especially if you’re given a very low line of credit, but keep at it and you’ll see that quickly change.

Stay savvy 😉

– Rego

Musings Episode 19: Turning Bills into Leverage….? The Ultimate Cheat Sheet Tip for People with New Credit is a post from and appeared first on Rego’s Life

“The best way….

Musings: Quote Wednesdays…

“The best way out is always through.” – Robert Frost

Touching a little bit on last week’s quote, this week’s runs along the same line. Sometimes, the best way to deal with things, instead of going around them by avoiding them – is just facing them head on – but always, always, think smart, and not hard. 😉

Happy Wednesday.

– Rego

Musings Episode 6: Leadership, Justified Anger, and Professionalism

This week I really wanted to talk about main aspects of business where you see a lot of articles written about but rarely ever really discussed…it’s usually the cookie cutter version you see, but never the real side.

So I thought I’d talk about how the three points – leadership, justified anger, and professionalism all tie into each other, but are seldom used together successfully.

First off, let’s go with leadership. What really makes a good leader? Most would say someone who is good at giving orders and direction. Others would say someone who has the power of persuasion…and still others would say one who is quick at making decisions when a problem arises and they have to direct an entire team.

While all of these may be true, the other critical parts are kind of, shied away in the corner. What about leaders who show consistency? Resilience? Who are quick to make a decision AND slow to change their mind? Or, how about a leader who knows how to project the image of leadership but not the image of a tyrant or jackass?

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Many times, especially today, leaders are thought to be powerful and feared, with a sort of dictator-type presence to them…fear and intimidation are taught to be the defining attributes of a good leader, having everyone tremble when you walk into the room…pair it with a hot temper when an employee screws up or doesn’t deliver, and you’ve got yourself an office nazi.

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But really, when we think about it, it’s this type of fear that causes many of a leader’s subordinates to begin developing a smoldering, slow resentment or disdain for their supervisor, which can have more detrimental than successful results.

While the whip and sheckels tactic may have worked for some of humanity’s prior ancestors in the days of Egypt, what many corporations today don’t realize is that this kind of method can make a company lose tons of money.

The way a business owner, manager, or any kind of supervisor treats their employees or subordinates plays a big role in productivity, work efficiency, and morale…and frankly, I believe these are the things that are being sorely overlooked nowadays.

Sure, you may be able to get away with barking at Joe’s back all day everyday for a week because he’s the new kid on the block, but within a month there is a high probability Joe is going to feel frustrated, stressed, angry, and non-chalant about his job, and he’s pretty much going to experience a huge morale drop.

Joe also may become a tad edgy. Just a tad.

This kind of thing would then create a domino effect of decreased work performance, meaning more mistakes, less attention to detail, and even a “fuck it all” attitude towards any work that gets pushed Joe’s way. This ultimately leads to overall sub-par effort and a decrease in company profit.

The sad part is Joe could be a really great employee. I’ve seen so many employees who put 300% effort into their work get metaphorically kicked around and abused, or short changed and taken advantage of by employers who don’t realize they’ve hired a potential gold mine, if they just changed their leadership tactics…these same employees eventually give up, instead kicking themselves into “auto pilot mode” and giving at most 75%, feeling like work is a never-ending  spiral of monotany.

Hell, whenever I used to do hiring and even present day, I look for many things average employers don’t – and I’ll turn down many who try to kiss my ass on the first meet.

I believe employees should be directed as such: I like to make sure my hirees know responsibility, accountability, self-confidence but humbleness, and knowing when and how to stand up for themselves. I’ll treat my employees as my equal so long as it’s understood the respect is on a contingent basis of their performance and responsibility for their own actions.

They have to, have to, HAVE TO, be the type to own up to their mistakes without fear, or fear of judgment. Everyone fucks up sometimes, but admitting you did takes courage – and courage shows initiative – and initiative shows leadership.

If an employee shows me genuine effort – which doesn’t mean working themselves to the bone – and knows how to maximize time efficiency while showing independent thinking, I grab such a person and hold onto them by treating them as a business partner – not a subordinate.

Business Day

Because when you think about it – everyone is a partner in business, it’s a team effort. If one “gear” stops working or is neglected, eventually the whole machine starts having problems.

So I treat my employees as my equal, and when disciplinary action arises, enforce it. After all, whipping a horse so many times will only make it become numb to the feeling after a while.

This leads me to my next point – justifiable anger. So many employers nowadays look at aggression as a power tool, showing dominance and “who’s boss”. Little do they realize this type of controlling attitude long-term gets them nowhere.

I tend to think the opposite…because anger is a two way street. A supervisor could think that consistently seeming angry at everyone in the business is equivalent to running a ship with an iron fist, but what they fail to realize is that through the false anger – legitimate anger can materialize – on the employees side.

Jusitifiable anger can be defined by examples such as this: If an employer constantly barks at and criticizes the employee that is doing their work, as mentioned earlier, eventually this employee can, and will develop a slow, smoldering resentment towards their supervisor.

This is justified anger. The same way some employers who have administrative assistants, get the people who work under that job title to run millions of errands for them. The admin assistant may carry out everything to a T – but if it’s eating a huge hole in their pocket, eventually that assistant will begin to become stressed due to unnecessary financial expense variables they had not originally planned to come out of their wages…and by becoming stressed become irritated…and irritated then becomes aggravation, and aggravation becomes frustration…and frustration, anger.

When you have employees in this state, the power of persuasion is powerless. Hence why many supervisors find themselves only getting employees to carry out a task one of two ways – through forced command, or half-assedly…and they wonder why.

The funny thing is, the whole concept of how to treat an employee, or any person for that matter still boils down to the one rule everyone learned in kindergarten but always seems to forget as they age:

The_Golden_Rule.001

This doesn’t mean just being nice to someone – it also means when problems arise standing up for yourself, and expecting other to do the same.

Such a simple, no-brainer rule…yet still many seem to forget. Sure it may sound silly to some – but this rule can get businesses – and anyone really, on the right track and in line with the prosperity they’ve been looking for. It also makes for a stress free environment. Who doesn’t want that???

I highly recommend checking out All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten, by Robert Fulghum. It’s a read you won’t wanna pass up.

Stay awesome.

– Rego

Musings Episode 6: Leadership, Justified Anger, and Professionalism is a post from and appeared first on Rego’s Life