It’s the weekend again and it’s time to think about things outside of work. It’s also been pretty hot lately – so when I think of summer and lounging and relaxing…the first things that come to mind are ice cool, refreshing drinks (mojito maybe? Or a nice lemongrass tea?), long summer drives, shady spots to relax in under the clear blue sky, and fishing – so much fishing (I like boats – so what).
Which is precisely why I’ve tailored this For The Weekenders for such things. You read last week’s For The Weekenders post – and if you liked that one then well, it’s time to take another step into my ridiculously epic outlook on enjoying life this week as well. Enjoy.
For The Weekenders: Upscale Italian Road Trips, Sexy Beach Front Bungalows, Rugged Alaskan Heli-Fishing
So it’s summer – the perfect time for holidays and travel (though personally, I think anytime is the perfect time for either). While you could do the next few things I’m about to suggest by yourself, I’m gonna say that a) they’re so much fun words wouldn’t be able to describe the experience and b) think of these as perfect opportunities to treat someone to something special.
Or just treat yourself. And make it look like you’re treating someone (hey it beats looking like a lonely rich bastard/bitch – or does it?). Either way, if you plan on treating anyone, you’ve gotta make some proper effort – so let’s start racking up those frequent flyer miles shall we?
Depending on what you’re into, you’ve got a few of options – so it’s first stop Italy.
As in, touring Italy in a stupidly high-priced Ferrari. Now wait – I know, I’ve mentioned before I’m usually not into luxury sports vehicles, more of a custom made or classics fan, but I’ve also mentioned in the past that there are some things that are just too good to pass up – this being one of them.
So here’s how it’s gonna happen – you’ll grab your sexy someone, and book a 3 day, Italia in Ferrari self-drive tour with the guys over at Red Travel…but don’t worry about getting on a regular airline, with regular, sweaty, depressed people, or fat, bald, miserable businessmen in first-class.
No instead, you’re taken care of with a private jet at your disposal to come pick you up – in either Paris, London, Frankfurt, or Moscow – and drop you off to Florence International Airport.
So all you have to do is sit back, sip [name your favourite drink here], and listen to the sounds of Lounge Fantasia, while staring out the window at white, fluffy clouds, before joining the mile high club (and if you’ve already joined then hey, good for you, slugger).
Fuck these peasants.
That’s not the only thing the tour includes though – with a 5 star hotel suite for accommodation, private car for checking out the area/transfer service from/to the airport, being able to pick and choose your Ferrari for the tour, and the ability to tailor your trip even further to your liking – well, it’s a bit like Christmas arriving early in a tiny, red little box.
So you’ll touch down in Florence – then what? Well after being driven to your hotel, it’s the perfect time to shower, power nap, and hit the gym – before hitting Florence for some sight-seeing via private car.
Starfishing optional.
Towards the end of the night I’d recommend you avoid having too big of a sexy party – you’ll need the sleep for the tour tomorrow and hey, no one likes someone who drives like a baby drunk off Benadryl.
Alright, you managed to fend off the bartender offering you another drink and your weekend accessory pawing at you, good job. Now’s the moment you’ve been waiting for: picking your very own Ferrari to drive around like the boss you are. *Drum roll*….
I feel like the host of Let’s Make a Deal. Or was it the Price is Right? Just…I feel like a game show host, for the millennials who don’t get it.
So you’ll take your pick – the Ferrari 488 Spider, California T, 458 Speciale, or 458 Spider. Any one of them will be a thrill to ride, backed by a 100% guarantee you’ll have a massive sexy party that same night.
Her: I’m gonna marry hiiiiim. Him: I’m getting laaaaiiiid…also married…probably….maybe….*shrugs* meh, who knows.
From there, it’s hitting the road and touring around San Gimignano, Siena, and other sexy sounding Italian places you might not have heard of before, with route plans that have more S-curves, hair pins, and sharp corners than you can shake a stick at (because driving in a straight line is just boring).
“Love your curves and all your edges.”
After a full day of driving you can either let the fun end there (why would you though?) – or if you wanted things to be more interesting – take advantage of the tailoring options you picked including (but certainly not limited to) yachting, hot air-ballooning, and more. There are literally loads of tours to choose from so don’t be a boring bastard, live a little – that money isn’t going to spend itself (but the tax man will if you don’t).
But maybe all that’s too stuffy for you – maybe you just want something chill, low key, somewhere where you can’t be found (angry exes can just be the absolute bane of existence sometimes), somewhere to go alone (or not).
So you’ll opt for a nice little secluded island on the on the Sian Ka’an biosphere coastline (read: Mexico) where you’ll book a wonderful little beach front bungalow with KanXuk Blue Maya Resort, complete with a porch to sit out on and sip mojitos while watching that model you chatted up at Cancun International Airport emerge from the water Baywatch-style.
I recommend Nojol (complete with private garden)…but Lak’in does a pretty good job too.
They’ve got some pretty epic activities available, including whale shark tours – or swimming with sea turtles, for those of you that are frightened by the word “shark”.
If you just feel like a chill stay though there’s a spa and fully stocked bar, so you can sit and enjoy a nice cold one while looking out at the sunset and having the backdrop song “I Think I’m Gonna Like it Here” to Elvis Presley’s Fun in Acapulco play in your head.
But just…just don’t start humming the tune while that perfect 10 you have sits next you.
There’s also a cigar bar at your disposal if you’re into smoking….for those moments when you feel like Al Pacino in Scarface.
The rooms are outfitted to the nine and have fantastic architecture, supple bed sheets and some pretty large sliding doors so you can quite literally wake up staring at the ocean.
And a magical little concierge to fulfill your every request.
Last but not least there’s always the rooftop where you can catch an even better view while having a soak and sipping on your beverage of choice while you look up at the sky and think to yourself that whoever said money can’t buy happiness is an absolute lying bastard.
Similar to White Desert in the last For The Weekenders post, and considering there are only 18 villas and beach front bungalows combined, it’s still pretty nice and quiet with minimal worries about unpleasant human contact…meaning plenty of privacy for when you want to get away from it all.
But maybe private jets, Ferraris, and beaches still aren’t your thing (you picky S.O.B.)…and maybe you’re the more…outdoorsy type. So this last one’s for the rugged, adventurous, but sensitive soul type – the ones that can wrestle and catch a fish with their bare hands, but secretly listen to Whitney Houston’s “I’m Every Woman” in their bathroom with the air vent on at full blast to drown out you singing along in the shower every morning (you know who you are).
Then I suggest you prepare yourself for mountains, wildlife, and a bit of classic heli-fishing at Tsaina Lodge.
…the heli-fishing bit kind of threw you, didn’t it? Well to answer your question no, I have not been drinking nor am I tripping balls – heli-fishing is a real thing, and no lodge does it better than Tsaina Lodge in Alaska (though I am enjoying some lovely coconut water at the moment…*sips*).
*whips fishing rod back in an attempt to perfectly place near group of fish…hooks pilot’s eye by mistake instead…*
Along with heli-fishing there’s also heli-hiking – but if you’re not interested in anything with the word “heli” in it, that’s fine too – though both are heli-cool (get it? Heli-cool? HELLA cool? no? really? god you’re slow…keep up).
They’ve got regular fly fishing for when you want to be a normal, boring person….wildlife viewing where you can potentially snap a picture of a grizzly bear and insult his grizzly wife (if you’ve had one too many melon balls) at a safe distance then brag to your friends who stayed behind at the lodge about it later…
Dude, I can’t believe you called that bear’s wife a hairy bitch…so not cool man. Never going nature watching with you again.
…or for the more sensible among us, you can just opt for mountain biking. There are a plethora of activities going on at Tsaina, all of which you can explore yourself.
Once you’re done exploring you can shoot some pool at the bar, before being tricked by your newfound Alaskan friend to ring the naval bell near said bar….which basically means you’ve gotta buy a round for everyone in the place (an Alaskan tradition, no less).
Or if you’re clever enough to avoid being fooled, you could always grab some sushi, Tsaina style.
Platter? Pfft…fuck platters.
Once you’re done fighting over that last piece of tuna sushi, you’ll probably end up heading back to your room (with or without that *special* company you brought along for the trip) – complete with a Tempur-pedic mattress and soft, cosy bath robes.
Sleeping is optional.
As always…
Stay awesome.
– Rego
Improve Your Lifestyle. Improve Yourself. This is Life. This is Rego’s Life.™
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