For The Weekenders: Sexy Baja Mansions, Mini-Golf Cocktailing, Monkeying Around in Nicaragua…

They say money can’t buy happiness – but it sure does help with doing whatever you want that you can think up.

Kinda like these things.

For The Weekenders: Sexy Baja Mansions, Mini-Golf Cocktailing, Monkeying Around in Nicaragua…

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Take a minute to pause.

Just soak up the silence for a minute (I mean, if it’s quiet around you).

…..

Hear that?

Yeah – that’s Mexico calling.

There’s a mansion with your name on it.

Well, maybe not your name – but it’s sure as hell booked in yours.

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Yes, that is a giant chess board in the corner.

So now would be a good time to pack your bags, grab some friends, that special someone, and charter a flight to San José del Cabo International Airport. From there it’s a short 20 minute trip to what I like to call a little slice of paradise.

Or the whole pie, depending on what you book, at Las Ventanas al Paraíso.

You’ve got a few options…but like I said – there’s a mansion waiting for you already.

The Ty Warner Mansion.

Wait – this isn’t your typical, stuffy, boring, jesus-god-why-are-there-so-many-butlers-that-look-like-penguins mansion.

No, instead, this has a real south of the border feel to it (because let’s be honest, what’s referred to as the “Global North” can get pretty stodgy sometimes).

Think 28,000 sq. ft. of sexiness, with things like a glass bottom lap pool, sunken in-pool living rooms, an outdoor pool table, vibrant Indian silk sari upholstery, cinema room, a chess garden, and your very own tequila library.

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1 tequila, 2 tequila, 3 tequila, floor.

Yeah – tequila library.

Here’s a silk paisley hankie to wipe those tears of elation.

While I’m not one to tell people what to do, here’s what I suggest…

Take off your wrist watch and take things slow.

Enjoy your time here – by starting with asking your personal chef to cook you up something nice post-flight. Hey, flying makes you hungry – plus it’s never healthy to drink on an empty stomach.

Because that’s what you’ll be doing…soon.

While your meal’s getting prepped, freshen up with a shower and change into something more chill – nothing touristy or nerdy *cough*crocs*cough*. Maybe even take a nap, if you’re feeling sleepy.

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Once you’re freshened up and fed, rendezvous with your friends and head out to burn off that third serving you asked for (you greedy bastard), by doing a little quad biking across the Los Cabos desert.

Or some surfing. Bit of yachting. Your choice – just wing it.

When you’re tuckered out from doing that, come back and shower again, then feel free to hit up the cinema room (think the sophisticated version of “Netflix and chill”) with that special someone, and settle into a classic film with something of your choice from the mansion’s private cellar – tequila, wine, champagne…whatever your poison is, I’m sure you’ll find it all there.

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Actual film watching optional.

Once you’ve had your fill of pop culture, head out to your infinity pool, but slip into the dual spas instead.

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I think it’s pretty safe to drink and lounge in the water – it’s like chewing gum and walking, right?

If you’re into keeping things a little more low key, I’ve got you covered.

Maybe you just feel like keeping things local. It’s cool – globetrotting isn’t for everyone.

But maybe you’ve also run into a hitch – you’ve gotten all prepared to enjoy a quiet game of golf to yourself, when your friends and that special someone ring you up and ask you to chill on the same weekend, same day.

Saying no might make you come off as anti-social prick.

Shit.

No – keep your cool, don’t panic. In one glorious stroke of genius, you can pull this off, with Urban Putt.

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If Tiger Woods, Mad Men, and Chuck E. Cheese somehow got bored and decided to adopt an orphan to raise it, it would turn out to be this exact activity.

Except after 8 p.m. Chuck E. Cheese and Mad Men would like…totally teach it to kick out all the kids after 8 pm.

Think cocktails, mini golf, and good food all in one place.

That’s right – a little piece of heaven does exist, right in San Francisco.

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It’s pretty straightforward. Meet up with everyone, exchange some cash for magical tokens, get your very own height specific putter, and grab a drink and some snacks while waiting for your turn to tee off – mini-golf is a rigorous and popular sport.

They weren’t kidding about the gumball machine, by the way.

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But please, refrain from trying to eat them.

While you’re waiting to tee off, I recommend having Rosemary’s Baby (the highball drink, not some poor woman’s actual child) and fried chicken and waffle skewers (topped with Vermont Maple syrup).

If you’re wondering what Rosemary’s Baby is, think Rosemary infused Aperol, whisky, honey, lemon, and soda water.

Yeah – you’re in for a treat.

Once your hunger’s partly satisfied and you’ve got a bit of liquid courage in you, prepare to break out your best putting skills – while your friends may not care how shit you are, that special someone might.

And this course is mechanically clever, to say the least.

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Wait one damn minute…skeeball and golf…? You just made my day.

Here’s some fun facts to share around while you’re on the green:

The building you’re standing in is a Victorian one, with many of its historical elements left in tact.

It was vacant for a while before being reopened to house the ingenuity you see laid before you today.

Oh, and it used to be a mortuary.

Which probably explains some of the par-3 holes being skeleton themed.

But that’s just a hunch.

Once you’ve finished convincing that special someone that no, that gentle breeze that went past them wasn’t a ghost (but just your hand), feel free to head upstairs to the course’s restaurant, UP @ Urban Putt.

With the ingredients being organic and locally-sourced, you can feel a little better about stuffing your face.

Start with some UP Poutine (Kennebec fries, beef short rib gravy, garlic and herb marinated cheese curds), or some Tuna Ceviche Tostones – and maybe ask for a Mind Eraser shot if your score sucked.

Snack on those until the pizzas you ordered are ready, and maybe some dessert. I recommend The Birdie and The Back Swing for pizza, and maybe some warm chocolate challah bread pudding for dessert.

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That is some thick crust, am I right?

Maybe mini-golf isn’t your thing.

Or you’re just looking for something a little more…edgy.

A little less innocent.

Less innocent being having all the fun, dangerous things in life at your disposal – a lot like those Bond villains you see on film.

Like some Volcano Sandboarding in Leon.

Or having a pet ocelot.

Maybe.

I mean – that’s what I’d do at least.

But if you’re gonna do that, you might as well do it up properly.

Think sandboarding, clay shooting, and your own private compound, at Nekupe.

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What villain doesn’t have a compound?

Even if you’re not feeling very villainous, you can always just opt for La Residencia Doña Theresita – but don’t think you’re getting the short end of the stick.

It still comprises 24,000 sq. ft. to do whatever you want in, with the same discretion you’d get from opting for the compound.

Back to the compound.

You’ve got a lot to play around with here. Like the Ty Warner mansion, you’ve got staff at your beck and call, in addition to ATVs/quad bikes at your disposal, epic views of the forest, and much more.

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For the adventurous among us, this means we get our share of clay shooting, exploring off-road trails with some quad biking, and having a go at the ropes course.

You can choose to dress for the occasion when it comes to clay shooting, but honestly – like I said earlier, try and keep the nerdy tourist look to a minimum.

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Pull.

For the nature lovers among you, there’s bird watching, checking out the farm, a bit of horseback riding, and hanging out with the local monkeys.

Just refrain from getting jealous when one of said monkeys seems a little too keen on your significant other.

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Da fuq you looking at bro? Yeah, I’m taking a selfie with your woman…and what?

When you get tired, you can always wind down at the Casa Club….and by winding down I mean checking out their rum room, getting deep with some poetry reading by the fire pit, and retiring to your room for a nice soak to loosen up all those achy muscles before the “real” fun begins.

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Rose petals optional.

So sure, money may not always buy happiness…but it definitely buys some great cocktail stories.

– Rego

Improve Your Lifestyle. Improve Yourself. This is Life. This is Rego’s Life.™

For The Weekenders: Sexy Baja Mansions, Mini-Golf Cocktailing, Monkeying Around in Nicaragua… is a post from and appeared first on Rego’s Life

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For The Weekenders: Upscale Italian Road Trips, Sexy Beach Front Bungalows, Rugged Alaskan Heli-Fishing

It’s the weekend again and it’s time to think about things outside of work. It’s also been pretty hot lately – so when I think of summer and lounging and relaxing…the first things that come to mind are ice cool, refreshing drinks (mojito maybe? Or a nice lemongrass tea?), long summer drives, shady spots to relax in under the clear blue sky, and fishing – so much fishing (I like boats – so what).

Which is precisely why I’ve tailored this For The Weekenders for such things. You read last week’s For The Weekenders post – and if you liked that one then well, it’s time to take another step into my ridiculously epic outlook on enjoying life this week as well. Enjoy.

For The Weekenders: Upscale Italian Road Trips, Sexy Beach Front Bungalows, Rugged Alaskan Heli-Fishing

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So it’s summer – the perfect time for holidays and travel (though personally, I think anytime is the perfect time for either). While you could do the next few things I’m about to suggest by yourself, I’m gonna say that a) they’re so much fun words wouldn’t be able to describe the experience and b) think of these as perfect opportunities to treat someone to something special.

Or just treat yourself. And make it look like you’re treating someone (hey it beats looking like a lonely rich bastard/bitch – or does it?). Either way, if you plan on treating anyone, you’ve gotta make some proper effort – so let’s start racking up those frequent flyer miles shall we?

Depending on what you’re into, you’ve got a few of options – so it’s first stop Italy.

As in, touring Italy in a stupidly high-priced Ferrari. Now wait – I know, I’ve mentioned before I’m usually not into luxury sports vehicles, more of a custom made or classics fan, but I’ve also mentioned in the past that there are some things that are just too good to pass up – this being one of them.

So here’s how it’s gonna happen – you’ll grab your sexy someone, and book a 3 day, Italia in Ferrari self-drive tour with the guys over at Red Travel…but don’t worry about getting on a regular airline, with regular, sweaty, depressed people, or fat, bald, miserable businessmen in first-class.

No instead, you’re taken care of with a private jet at your disposal to come pick you up – in either Paris, London, Frankfurt, or Moscow – and drop you off to Florence International Airport.

So all you have to do is sit back, sip [name your favourite drink here], and listen to the sounds of Lounge Fantasia, while staring out the window at white, fluffy clouds, before joining the mile high club (and if you’ve already joined then hey, good for you, slugger).

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Fuck these peasants.

That’s not the only thing the tour includes though – with a 5 star hotel suite for accommodation, private car for checking out the area/transfer service from/to the airport, being able to pick and choose your Ferrari for the tour, and the ability to tailor your trip even further to your liking – well, it’s a bit like Christmas arriving early in a tiny, red little box.

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So you’ll touch down in Florence – then what? Well after being driven to your hotel, it’s the perfect time to shower, power nap, and hit the gym – before hitting Florence for some sight-seeing via private car.

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Starfishing optional.

Towards the end of the night I’d recommend you avoid having too big of a sexy party – you’ll need the sleep for the tour tomorrow and hey, no one likes someone who drives like a baby drunk off Benadryl.

Alright, you managed to fend off the bartender offering you another drink and your weekend accessory pawing at you, good job. Now’s the moment you’ve been waiting for: picking your very own Ferrari to drive around like the boss you are. *Drum roll*….

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I feel like the host of Let’s Make a Deal. Or was it the Price is Right? Just…I feel like a game show host, for the millennials who don’t get it.

So you’ll take your pick – the Ferrari 488 Spider, California T, 458 Speciale, or 458 Spider. Any one of them will be a thrill to ride, backed by a 100% guarantee you’ll have a massive sexy party that same night.

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Her: I’m gonna marry hiiiiim. Him: I’m getting laaaaiiiid…also married…probably….maybe….*shrugs* meh, who knows.

From there, it’s hitting the road and touring around San Gimignano, Siena, and other sexy sounding Italian places you might not have heard of before, with route plans that have more S-curves, hair pins, and sharp corners than you can shake a stick at (because driving in a straight line is just boring).

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“Love your curves and all your edges.”

After a full day of driving you can either let the fun end there (why would you though?) – or if you wanted things to be more interesting – take advantage of the tailoring options you picked including (but certainly not limited to) yachting, hot air-ballooning, and more. There are literally loads of tours to choose from so don’t be a boring bastard, live a little – that money isn’t going to spend itself (but the tax man will if you don’t).

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But maybe all that’s too stuffy for you – maybe you just want something chill, low key, somewhere where you can’t be found (angry exes can just be the absolute bane of existence sometimes), somewhere to go alone (or not).

So you’ll opt for a nice little secluded island on the on the Sian Ka’an biosphere coastline (read: Mexico) where you’ll book a wonderful little beach front bungalow with KanXuk Blue Maya Resort, complete with a porch to sit out on and sip mojitos while watching that model you chatted up at Cancun International Airport emerge from the water Baywatch-style.

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I recommend Nojol (complete with private garden)…but Lak’in does a pretty good job too.

They’ve got some pretty epic activities available, including whale shark tours – or swimming with sea turtles, for those of you that are frightened by the word “shark”.

If you just feel like a chill stay though there’s a spa and fully stocked bar, so you can sit and enjoy a nice cold one while looking out at the sunset and having the backdrop song “I Think I’m Gonna Like it Here” to Elvis Presley’s Fun in Acapulco play in your head.

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But just…just don’t start humming the tune while that perfect 10 you have sits next you.

There’s also a cigar bar at your disposal if you’re into smoking….for those moments when you feel like Al Pacino in Scarface.

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And a magical little concierge to fulfill your every request.

Last but not least there’s always the rooftop where you can catch an even better view while having a soak and sipping on your beverage of choice while you look up at the sky and think to yourself that whoever said money can’t buy happiness is an absolute lying bastard.

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Similar to White Desert in the last For The Weekenders post, and considering there are only 18 villas and beach front bungalows combined, it’s still pretty nice and quiet with minimal worries about unpleasant human contact…meaning plenty of privacy for when you want to get away from it all.

But maybe private jets, Ferraris, and beaches still aren’t your thing (you picky S.O.B.)…and maybe you’re the more…outdoorsy type. So this last one’s for the rugged, adventurous, but sensitive soul type – the ones that can wrestle and catch a fish with their bare hands, but secretly listen to Whitney Houston’s “I’m Every Woman” in their bathroom with the air vent on at full blast to drown out you singing along in the shower every morning (you know who you are).

Then I suggest you prepare yourself for mountains, wildlife, and a bit of classic heli-fishing at Tsaina Lodge.

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…the heli-fishing bit kind of threw you, didn’t it? Well to answer your question no, I have not been drinking nor am I tripping balls – heli-fishing is a real thing, and no lodge does it better than Tsaina Lodge in Alaska (though I am enjoying some lovely coconut water at the moment…*sips*).

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*whips fishing rod back in an attempt to perfectly place near group of fish…hooks pilot’s eye by mistake instead…*

Along with heli-fishing there’s also heli-hiking – but if you’re not interested in anything with the word “heli” in it, that’s fine too – though both are heli-cool (get it? Heli-cool? HELLA cool? no? really? god you’re slow…keep up).

They’ve got regular fly fishing for when you want to be a normal, boring person….wildlife viewing where you can potentially snap a picture of a grizzly bear and insult his grizzly wife (if you’ve had one too many melon balls) at a safe distance then brag to your friends who stayed behind at the lodge about it later…

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Dude, I can’t believe you called that bear’s wife a hairy bitch…so not cool man. Never going nature watching with you again.

…or for the more sensible among us, you can just opt for mountain biking. There are a plethora of activities going on at Tsaina, all of which you can explore yourself.

Once you’re done exploring you can shoot some pool at the bar, before being tricked by your newfound Alaskan friend to ring the naval bell near said bar….which basically means you’ve gotta buy a round for everyone in the place (an Alaskan tradition, no less).

Or if you’re clever enough to avoid being fooled, you could always grab some sushi, Tsaina style.

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Platter? Pfft…fuck platters.

Once you’re done fighting over that last piece of tuna sushi, you’ll probably end up heading back to your room (with or without that *special* company you brought along for the trip) – complete with a Tempur-pedic mattress and soft, cosy bath robes.

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Sleeping is optional.

As always…

Stay awesome.

– Rego

Improve Your Lifestyle. Improve Yourself. This is Life. This is Rego’s Life.™

For The Weekenders: Upscale Italian Road Trips, Sexy Beach Front Bungalows, Rugged Alaskan Heli-Fishing is a post from and appeared first on Rego’s Life