For The Weekenders: Sexy Baja Mansions, Mini-Golf Cocktailing, Monkeying Around in Nicaragua…

They say money can’t buy happiness – but it sure does help with doing whatever you want that you can think up.

Kinda like these things.

For The Weekenders: Sexy Baja Mansions, Mini-Golf Cocktailing, Monkeying Around in Nicaragua…

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Take a minute to pause.

Just soak up the silence for a minute (I mean, if it’s quiet around you).

…..

Hear that?

Yeah – that’s Mexico calling.

There’s a mansion with your name on it.

Well, maybe not your name – but it’s sure as hell booked in yours.

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Yes, that is a giant chess board in the corner.

So now would be a good time to pack your bags, grab some friends, that special someone, and charter a flight to San José del Cabo International Airport. From there it’s a short 20 minute trip to what I like to call a little slice of paradise.

Or the whole pie, depending on what you book, at Las Ventanas al Paraíso.

You’ve got a few options…but like I said – there’s a mansion waiting for you already.

The Ty Warner Mansion.

Wait – this isn’t your typical, stuffy, boring, jesus-god-why-are-there-so-many-butlers-that-look-like-penguins mansion.

No, instead, this has a real south of the border feel to it (because let’s be honest, what’s referred to as the “Global North” can get pretty stodgy sometimes).

Think 28,000 sq. ft. of sexiness, with things like a glass bottom lap pool, sunken in-pool living rooms, an outdoor pool table, vibrant Indian silk sari upholstery, cinema room, a chess garden, and your very own tequila library.

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1 tequila, 2 tequila, 3 tequila, floor.

Yeah – tequila library.

Here’s a silk paisley hankie to wipe those tears of elation.

While I’m not one to tell people what to do, here’s what I suggest…

Take off your wrist watch and take things slow.

Enjoy your time here – by starting with asking your personal chef to cook you up something nice post-flight. Hey, flying makes you hungry – plus it’s never healthy to drink on an empty stomach.

Because that’s what you’ll be doing…soon.

While your meal’s getting prepped, freshen up with a shower and change into something more chill – nothing touristy or nerdy *cough*crocs*cough*. Maybe even take a nap, if you’re feeling sleepy.

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Once you’re freshened up and fed, rendezvous with your friends and head out to burn off that third serving you asked for (you greedy bastard), by doing a little quad biking across the Los Cabos desert.

Or some surfing. Bit of yachting. Your choice – just wing it.

When you’re tuckered out from doing that, come back and shower again, then feel free to hit up the cinema room (think the sophisticated version of “Netflix and chill”) with that special someone, and settle into a classic film with something of your choice from the mansion’s private cellar – tequila, wine, champagne…whatever your poison is, I’m sure you’ll find it all there.

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Actual film watching optional.

Once you’ve had your fill of pop culture, head out to your infinity pool, but slip into the dual spas instead.

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I think it’s pretty safe to drink and lounge in the water – it’s like chewing gum and walking, right?

If you’re into keeping things a little more low key, I’ve got you covered.

Maybe you just feel like keeping things local. It’s cool – globetrotting isn’t for everyone.

But maybe you’ve also run into a hitch – you’ve gotten all prepared to enjoy a quiet game of golf to yourself, when your friends and that special someone ring you up and ask you to chill on the same weekend, same day.

Saying no might make you come off as anti-social prick.

Shit.

No – keep your cool, don’t panic. In one glorious stroke of genius, you can pull this off, with Urban Putt.

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If Tiger Woods, Mad Men, and Chuck E. Cheese somehow got bored and decided to adopt an orphan to raise it, it would turn out to be this exact activity.

Except after 8 p.m. Chuck E. Cheese and Mad Men would like…totally teach it to kick out all the kids after 8 pm.

Think cocktails, mini golf, and good food all in one place.

That’s right – a little piece of heaven does exist, right in San Francisco.

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It’s pretty straightforward. Meet up with everyone, exchange some cash for magical tokens, get your very own height specific putter, and grab a drink and some snacks while waiting for your turn to tee off – mini-golf is a rigorous and popular sport.

They weren’t kidding about the gumball machine, by the way.

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But please, refrain from trying to eat them.

While you’re waiting to tee off, I recommend having Rosemary’s Baby (the highball drink, not some poor woman’s actual child) and fried chicken and waffle skewers (topped with Vermont Maple syrup).

If you’re wondering what Rosemary’s Baby is, think Rosemary infused Aperol, whisky, honey, lemon, and soda water.

Yeah – you’re in for a treat.

Once your hunger’s partly satisfied and you’ve got a bit of liquid courage in you, prepare to break out your best putting skills – while your friends may not care how shit you are, that special someone might.

And this course is mechanically clever, to say the least.

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Wait one damn minute…skeeball and golf…? You just made my day.

Here’s some fun facts to share around while you’re on the green:

The building you’re standing in is a Victorian one, with many of its historical elements left in tact.

It was vacant for a while before being reopened to house the ingenuity you see laid before you today.

Oh, and it used to be a mortuary.

Which probably explains some of the par-3 holes being skeleton themed.

But that’s just a hunch.

Once you’ve finished convincing that special someone that no, that gentle breeze that went past them wasn’t a ghost (but just your hand), feel free to head upstairs to the course’s restaurant, UP @ Urban Putt.

With the ingredients being organic and locally-sourced, you can feel a little better about stuffing your face.

Start with some UP Poutine (Kennebec fries, beef short rib gravy, garlic and herb marinated cheese curds), or some Tuna Ceviche Tostones – and maybe ask for a Mind Eraser shot if your score sucked.

Snack on those until the pizzas you ordered are ready, and maybe some dessert. I recommend The Birdie and The Back Swing for pizza, and maybe some warm chocolate challah bread pudding for dessert.

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That is some thick crust, am I right?

Maybe mini-golf isn’t your thing.

Or you’re just looking for something a little more…edgy.

A little less innocent.

Less innocent being having all the fun, dangerous things in life at your disposal – a lot like those Bond villains you see on film.

Like some Volcano Sandboarding in Leon.

Or having a pet ocelot.

Maybe.

I mean – that’s what I’d do at least.

But if you’re gonna do that, you might as well do it up properly.

Think sandboarding, clay shooting, and your own private compound, at Nekupe.

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What villain doesn’t have a compound?

Even if you’re not feeling very villainous, you can always just opt for La Residencia Doña Theresita – but don’t think you’re getting the short end of the stick.

It still comprises 24,000 sq. ft. to do whatever you want in, with the same discretion you’d get from opting for the compound.

Back to the compound.

You’ve got a lot to play around with here. Like the Ty Warner mansion, you’ve got staff at your beck and call, in addition to ATVs/quad bikes at your disposal, epic views of the forest, and much more.

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For the adventurous among us, this means we get our share of clay shooting, exploring off-road trails with some quad biking, and having a go at the ropes course.

You can choose to dress for the occasion when it comes to clay shooting, but honestly – like I said earlier, try and keep the nerdy tourist look to a minimum.

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Pull.

For the nature lovers among you, there’s bird watching, checking out the farm, a bit of horseback riding, and hanging out with the local monkeys.

Just refrain from getting jealous when one of said monkeys seems a little too keen on your significant other.

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Da fuq you looking at bro? Yeah, I’m taking a selfie with your woman…and what?

When you get tired, you can always wind down at the Casa Club….and by winding down I mean checking out their rum room, getting deep with some poetry reading by the fire pit, and retiring to your room for a nice soak to loosen up all those achy muscles before the “real” fun begins.

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Rose petals optional.

So sure, money may not always buy happiness…but it definitely buys some great cocktail stories.

– Rego

Improve Your Lifestyle. Improve Yourself. This is Life. This is Rego’s Life.™

For The Weekenders: Sexy Baja Mansions, Mini-Golf Cocktailing, Monkeying Around in Nicaragua… is a post from and appeared first on Rego’s Life

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For The Weekenders: Lion King Lodges, Subway Station Parties, Cast Away Escapades…

There are a lot of great places to explore out there.

A lot.

So why limit yourself to your side of the world?

It’s time to get…unconventional.

For The Weekenders: Lion King Lodges, Subway Station Parties, Cast Away Escapades…

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I used to be a fan of Lion King (don’t judge), when I was a kid.

The wild life, wide open spaces, and the thought of “no worries” was very appealing at such a tender age.

I watched the movie and enjoyed spending hours of my day playing the video game on Sega with a friend (and by “playing” I mean us impatiently and quietly hoping one of us would kill off our character in hopes of our turn coming around quicker).

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Back in the day, this was the shit…also our equivalent of 1080p quality (if you think this is bad, imagine FIFA).

So naturally, when I discovered there was a luxury lodge in Botswana where you could get up close and personal with lions, zebras, and cheetahs, I was very much:

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Qorokwe Camp promises to deliver this, and more.

Fun fact: “Qorokwe” means “the place where the buffalo broke through the bush into the water.”

You can use that to sound interesting, cultured, and suave when you’re convincing your play mate to go with you on the trip.

You’re welcome.

This is the perfect opportunity to get away from all the “busyness” of urban society, while at the same time letting that special someone know that yes, while you may be brilliant at business, money, and knowing how to make more of said money, you’re not just some boring numbers person and you do like to sometimes live dangerously.

Across 62,692 acres there’s more wildlife than you can shake a stick at, inlcuding a lion pride made up of just over a dozen lions, allowing you to step into the Lion King story – but without all the family dysfunction, treachery, and betrayal (hint: don’t invite Uncle Carl this time).

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This is a representation of the circle of life, Simba. The circle of life is way more fucked up than you think, little one.

You’ve got two choices for accommodation – a family tent suite with its own pool, or a regular tent suite, not as big, but just as nice. So if you’re the family type, obviously opt for the former…but if you’re here for a sneaky, on-emergency-call-only get together, the latter will do just fine, as you’ll probably spend more time running around the other facilities they have, thanking the architect (and landscape architect) for mixing nature with artistry.

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After going for your morning swim and having some breakfast, if you’re feeling adventurous, the camp is far from being in short supply of adventurous things to do.

For the less-adventurous-vegan-mocha-ugg-boot-triple-latte types, there’s bird watching, nature walks, and plonking yourself in a dugout canoe while being…boated around to look at the surrounding wildlife.

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Guide, to self: “I am getting damn tired of haulin’ these heavy ass-…” Tourist: “Isn’t that zebra BEAUTIFUL?!?!” Guide: “Uh, YES. Bedazzling, even.”

But for the braver among us, there are night drives. The perfect time to see those “I wear my sunglasses at night” type creatures that normally shy away during daylight hours.

This means it’s also the perfect time for those *rustle in the bush* “EEK! What was that?” *more rustling* “nothing, don’t worry, just…nestle right in here – you’ll be safe” moments.

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When you’ve had enough adventuring for the day (or night) you can retire back to your suite to freshen up, grab some food, and hit the on-site bar, before moving onto the lounge to admire the photos you took with your favourite camera of all those wonderful creatures.

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If you lost your phone in this area, good luck going back for it.

See where the wild things are, what they are, and how very much the opposite of assumed “shithole” countries they’re in.

If the call of the wild isn’t your thing, and you instead feel like settling for the “safer” (pfft…lame.) containment of the city, then this next one is for you.

Bar hopping can get pretty boring. Boring for you, boring for your friends, boring for your date.

So when your sexy someone slips into the passenger’s seat of your car with a look of “where-are-we-headed-tonight-and-it-better-be-good” you have two options:

  1. Proceed to piss her off more with a look of “I don’t know”.
  2. Ask her what she’d like to do already having a general idea of what her scene is and what she’s into…only to surprise her by saying you’ve decided it’ll be more fun to party in a subway station.

If you went with option 2, now would be a good time to catch her before she hits you with her bag and stomps off…and assure her that no, it’s not the subway station party that involves Four Loko and partying with vagabonds.

It’s this kind.

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Far less sketchy, far more artistic, Station1640 in L.A. is the mystical unicorn kind of a place that you can take a date to for an experience of a dance club, art gallery, and bar rolled into one.

I’m not kidding.

The graffiti is literally done by artists – these aren’t your cheap, poorly spelled “fuk u” dick drawing street tags you see the city constantly trying to cover up. You’ll be looking at works of art from people like Obey Giant, David Flores, and King Cre8, to name a few.

Photo by Alen Lin

This is no place to go sticking gum on the walls.

Refined but nonetheless somewhere you can let your hair down, so to speak (or get her to let hers down), it reminds me a bit of Ageha and those professional male and female pole dancers (professional being a severe understatement).

They’ve got mixologists as opposed to bartenders – and if you know anything about drinking, there is a vast difference between the two. The former is the “say no more fam” while the latter is more “…so you want vodka, is that what you’re saying?” when you ask for a drink that involves setting an ingredient or two on fire.

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If you really like the place, you can book it for private hire and invite as many people as it can handle…but just remember you’ve booked it, not bought it, so while you’ve grown quite fond of it no, it’s not yours to keep and you eventually will have to let the regular people have their fun.

This is one time a good thing must sadly, come to an end.

If you like the feeling of running things though, and haven’t satisfied your appetite just yet, I’ve got something bigger for you.

Yes, bigger.

If booking a club isn’t enough for you, you can always just book an island.

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Land ahoy.

There are two types of escapades.

One that’s secret and fun, which only you and a select few friends know about.

And the other, that’s considered “shenanigans” and gets leaked to the media (depending on your level of importance – in your case, maybe not so much), turning into a…fiasco.

Either way, both are the type that with Calala Island in Nicaragua, can run along the lines of “what happens in Calala Island, stays in Calala Island”.

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And with Carlos. Carlos knows what’s up (but he ain’t no snitch).

It’s so remote you’ll need to charter a flight to Augusto C. Sandino International Airport (In Managua), before (preferably) getting a chopper ride over to the island.

Better bring some friends. Including yourself and that special someone Calala accommodates 8, with 4 beachfront suites and about two rugby teams worth of staff to handle your every need (though I can’t promise they’ll help with your personal life – you’ll need a therapist for that).

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Here’s the best part – you can do whatever you want. Everything’s all inclusive.

Literally.

From the food you eat, to the activities you choose to partake in, and the drinks you choose to throw back, it’s all included in the price you’re charged – so go wild.

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I mean…I guess it wouldn’t hurt to have a cheat meal or three.

Wing it.

Whatever you want to do, the staff will tailor things according to your wants. This is no cookie cutter holiday.

Get creative (creative – not weird), indulge, and rest in the satisfaction of knowing that you have a little secret that no one can take away from you (given you don’t blab about it on Facebook, genius).

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Plus starlit nights for like…miles.

You can do whatever you want – this even means playing Marco Polo naked.

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I think it’s time for a sexy party.

But if you’re unfit, for the love of god put on some clothes.

Nobody likes man titties, by default making this a pec-only zone.

What happens on Calala Island…

– Rego

Improve Your Lifestyle. Improve Yourself. This is Life. This is Rego’s Life.™

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