They say money can’t buy happiness – but it sure does help with doing whatever you want that you can think up.
Kinda like these things.
For The Weekenders: Sexy Baja Mansions, Mini-Golf Cocktailing, Monkeying Around in Nicaragua…
Take a minute to pause.
Just soak up the silence for a minute (I mean, if it’s quiet around you).
Yeah – that’s Mexico calling.
There’s a mansion with your name on it.
Well, maybe not your name – but it’s sure as hell booked in yours.
So now would be a good time to pack your bags, grab some friends, that special someone, and charter a flight to San José del Cabo International Airport. From there it’s a short 20 minute trip to what I like to call a little slice of paradise.
Or the whole pie, depending on what you book, at Las Ventanas al Paraíso.
You’ve got a few options…but like I said – there’s a mansion waiting for you already.
The Ty Warner Mansion.
Wait – this isn’t your typical, stuffy, boring, jesus-god-why-are-there-so-many-butlers-that-look-like-penguins mansion.
No, instead, this has a real south of the border feel to it (because let’s be honest, what’s referred to as the “Global North” can get pretty stodgy sometimes).
Think 28,000 sq. ft. of sexiness, with things like a glass bottom lap pool, sunken in-pool living rooms, an outdoor pool table, vibrant Indian silk sari upholstery, cinema room, a chess garden, and your very own tequila library.
Yeah – tequila library.
Here’s a silk paisley hankie to wipe those tears of elation.
While I’m not one to tell people what to do, here’s what I suggest…
Take off your wrist watch and take things slow.
Enjoy your time here – by starting with asking your personal chef to cook you up something nice post-flight. Hey, flying makes you hungry – plus it’s never healthy to drink on an empty stomach.
Because that’s what you’ll be doing…soon.
While your meal’s getting prepped, freshen up with a shower and change into something more chill – nothing touristy or nerdy *cough*crocs*cough*. Maybe even take a nap, if you’re feeling sleepy.
Once you’re freshened up and fed, rendezvous with your friends and head out to burn off that third serving you asked for (you greedy bastard), by doing a little quad biking across the Los Cabos desert.
Or some surfing. Bit of yachting. Your choice – just wing it.
When you’re tuckered out from doing that, come back and shower again, then feel free to hit up the cinema room (think the sophisticated version of “Netflix and chill”) with that special someone, and settle into a classic film with something of your choice from the mansion’s private cellar – tequila, wine, champagne…whatever your poison is, I’m sure you’ll find it all there.
Once you’ve had your fill of pop culture, head out to your infinity pool, but slip into the dual spas instead.
I think it’s pretty safe to drink and lounge in the water – it’s like chewing gum and walking, right?
If you’re into keeping things a little more low key, I’ve got you covered.
Maybe you just feel like keeping things local. It’s cool – globetrotting isn’t for everyone.
But maybe you’ve also run into a hitch – you’ve gotten all prepared to enjoy a quiet game of golf to yourself, when your friends and that special someone ring you up and ask you to chill on the same weekend, same day.
Saying no might make you come off as anti-social prick.
No – keep your cool, don’t panic. In one glorious stroke of genius, you can pull this off, with Urban Putt.
If Tiger Woods, Mad Men, and Chuck E. Cheese somehow got bored and decided to adopt an orphan to raise it, it would turn out to be this exact activity.
Except after 8 p.m. Chuck E. Cheese and Mad Men would like…totally teach it to kick out all the kids after 8 pm.
Think cocktails, mini golf, and good food all in one place.
That’s right – a little piece of heaven does exist, right in San Francisco.
It’s pretty straightforward. Meet up with everyone, exchange some cash for magical tokens, get your very own height specific putter, and grab a drink and some snacks while waiting for your turn to tee off – mini-golf is a rigorous and popular sport.
They weren’t kidding about the gumball machine, by the way.
While you’re waiting to tee off, I recommend having Rosemary’s Baby (the highball drink, not some poor woman’s actual child) and fried chicken and waffle skewers (topped with Vermont Maple syrup).
If you’re wondering what Rosemary’s Baby is, think Rosemary infused Aperol, whisky, honey, lemon, and soda water.
Yeah – you’re in for a treat.
Once your hunger’s partly satisfied and you’ve got a bit of liquid courage in you, prepare to break out your best putting skills – while your friends may not care how shit you are, that special someone might.
And this course is mechanically clever, to say the least.
Here’s some fun facts to share around while you’re on the green:
The building you’re standing in is a Victorian one, with many of its historical elements left in tact.
It was vacant for a while before being reopened to house the ingenuity you see laid before you today.
Oh, and it used to be a mortuary.
Which probably explains some of the par-3 holes being skeleton themed.
But that’s just a hunch.
Once you’ve finished convincing that special someone that no, that gentle breeze that went past them wasn’t a ghost (but just your hand), feel free to head upstairs to the course’s restaurant, UP @ Urban Putt.
With the ingredients being organic and locally-sourced, you can feel a little better about stuffing your face.
Start with some UP Poutine (Kennebec fries, beef short rib gravy, garlic and herb marinated cheese curds), or some Tuna Ceviche Tostones – and maybe ask for a Mind Eraser shot if your score sucked.
Snack on those until the pizzas you ordered are ready, and maybe some dessert. I recommend The Birdie and The Back Swing for pizza, and maybe some warm chocolate challah bread pudding for dessert.
Maybe mini-golf isn’t your thing.
Or you’re just looking for something a little more…edgy.
A little less innocent.
Less innocent being having all the fun, dangerous things in life at your disposal – a lot like those Bond villains you see on film.
Like some Volcano Sandboarding in Leon.
Or having a pet ocelot.
I mean – that’s what I’d do at least.
But if you’re gonna do that, you might as well do it up properly.
Think sandboarding, clay shooting, and your own private compound, at Nekupe.
What villain doesn’t have a compound?
Even if you’re not feeling very villainous, you can always just opt for La Residencia Doña Theresita – but don’t think you’re getting the short end of the stick.
It still comprises 24,000 sq. ft. to do whatever you want in, with the same discretion you’d get from opting for the compound.
Back to the compound.
You’ve got a lot to play around with here. Like the Ty Warner mansion, you’ve got staff at your beck and call, in addition to ATVs/quad bikes at your disposal, epic views of the forest, and much more.
For the adventurous among us, this means we get our share of clay shooting, exploring off-road trails with some quad biking, and having a go at the ropes course.
You can choose to dress for the occasion when it comes to clay shooting, but honestly – like I said earlier, try and keep the nerdy tourist look to a minimum.
For the nature lovers among you, there’s bird watching, checking out the farm, a bit of horseback riding, and hanging out with the local monkeys.
Just refrain from getting jealous when one of said monkeys seems a little too keen on your significant other.
When you get tired, you can always wind down at the Casa Club….and by winding down I mean checking out their rum room, getting deep with some poetry reading by the fire pit, and retiring to your room for a nice soak to loosen up all those achy muscles before the “real” fun begins.
So sure, money may not always buy happiness…but it definitely buys some great cocktail stories.
Improve Your Lifestyle. Improve Yourself. This is Life. This is Rego’s Life.™
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