Musings Episode 89: Convince No One…

Sappy Sunday.

Happy.*

Happy Sunday.

Happy and Sappy Sunday?

I don’t know/care…let’s just start.

Musings Episode 89: Convince No One…

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Well….last week was exhausting.

I generally grow tired and exhausted when I’m required to engage in social contact that involves…people I don’t want to engage in social contact with.

So…when this happens, it feels like a battery that’s being drained and in desperate need of a recharge – I’m that battery.

There are also times when this happens that it feels like a battery that’s going to overload and explode – I am also that battery.

On both occasions, generally one of the exchanges that count as exhausting are whenever I’m talking to some egotistical slack-jawed junkslut – mostly in business.

Personal-life wise, I do a pretty good job of avoiding those types all together.

…and by “those types” I just mean someone up their own ass.

If you read my previous posts on ego and competition, there are a plethora of bad eggs like this in today’s time.

I’ve always been on the side of the argument that narcissism and egoism aren’t the same, and that in a world of this or that, narcissism is better than being insecure any day.

Largely because of the fact that when insecure people talk, in my experience many of them always seem to need convincing.

Convincing that they’re doing a good job.

Convincing that they’re loved.

Convincing that they’re a wonderful person.

Convincing that life doesn’t suck half as bad as they think it does.

Convincing that their friends really like them.

Convincing that their grandma (who’s been dead for like a millennium) really did love them.

They need convincing no matter how many times you may try to lift them up.

Don’t get me wrong – there’s nothing wrong with a little reassurance – but there’s a fine line.

With convincing, approval likes to tag along.

That is to say, insecurity often brings along the habit of a person doing things to seek approval.

Being a “people pleaser”.

Narcissists on the other hand, are interesting in the sense that they already tell themselves everyone loves them, they’re the best thing since sliced bread, and everything they do is like the first time something really useful was invented for human kind.

Like the lightbulb.

Or condoms.

They also obsess over being the best…which in turn, often makes them push themselves to be the best.

There are narcissist that are really just insecure people masquerading as narcissist (like Trump), I think, but that’s another story for another time.

So what am I getting at here…right – convincing.

Yeah, stop doing that shit.

It’s your life.

Stop bending over backwards to try to prove yourself if you already know you’ve made something decent or are making something decent of yourself when it comes to personal development.

Oddly, in several relationships across the board it seems like people need to be convinced more and more about different things.

Are people growing more insecure?

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Take business for instance. Remember the good old days where you just swung by a company, maybe sweet talked the receptionist into getting you a spot to see the boss, or walked in regularly and asked to see the person in charge because you saw an ad in the paper?

You put in your CV/resumé, you either got seen the next day, or same day, had an informal chat, and before you knew it you were hired?

There were no 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, interviews plus one drink-the-blood-of-a-goat final 5th ritual interview, just because they needed to cross-examine to make sure they were convinced enough to hire you.

There was no portfolio you had to present, no vague requests to “prove a track record of success” without actually specifying exactly what they’re looking for.

A guy looked at your CV, had a chat with you to see if what was on your CV wasn’t bullshit, and went with his gut.

There was an unsaid trust.

This amazingly managed to do just as good of a job as what recruiters are “trained” to do (but fail ever so miserably at) when it comes to ensuring people were hired based off of their talent or skills they could bring to a company, rather than nepotism or particularism.

Or for another example, take romantic relationships.

Remember when you could just walk up to someone, apologize for interrupting, and compliment them on something you really liked about them physically?

Or maybe you’d just be in the bookstore and strike up a conversation about a book you see someone considering buying and you’ve bought it before so hey great, conversation starter.

There’d either be a positive or negative reaction, you’d maybe swap numbers (home numbers, no mobile phones then), eventually go on dates, etc.

Once you were in the relationship, texting day-to-day wasn’t necessary nor was it possible.

The person just trusted that you liked them and them only, and when you both did call to meet up again, you valued it more.

You never really had to convince one another you were into each other, because each time you both met it was like meeting each other all over again – all due to a build up of the feeling of missing one another and looking forward to seeing each other.

Friendships are the same way. I could go on and on and on but I think you’re smart enough to draw up your own examples.

Along with a culture of busyness, of victim mentality, it seems like there’s a culture of a need to be convinced, which perpetuates a cycle of a need to prove, a desire for approval.

Nobody really says “prove it to me”.

Alright so maybe some business people do, but nobody really says prove it.

What are you, 5?

They won’t ever really say it because they don’t want to sound 5.

But actions speak loud enough to send the message without words ever having to leave the mouth.

I’m very much action oriented…so maybe this irritates me more than others.

But frankly, I don’t believe in people’s words.

Ironic, right?

A writer, who writes, and writes, and writes – but doesn’t believe other people’s words.

Well, maybe it’s a little more nuanced than that.

I believe people’s words, but I watch their actions.

I don’t believe in proving, don’t believe in convincing, and don’t seek approval.

I’ll take someone’s word, trust and expect them to do the action, and leave them to it.

If they don’t I don’t really care, because I don’t attach much weight to their words first time around.

I do believe that actions speak a lot louder than words, when carried out.

Largely because of the fact that as the desire from people, of people to prove themselves, to convince other people that they are what they are, can do what they can do, feel how they feel, and need what they need, increases…it only perpetuates the issue of words becoming devoid, meaningless – lip service.

Saying whatever it is someone wants to hear makes words’ value drop to absolute zero.

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Photo by MILKOVÍ on Unsplash

Saying whatever it is someone wants to hear increases the need for actual proof through actions to be carried out.

In people wanting others to convince them, to prove to them, whatever it is that they want proof or convincing of, it makes it harder to separate the real from the pleaser.

The true from the false.

The raw from the sugar-coated.

Which creates the theory that if people realized the weight of their words, the value of their words, they wouldn’t use them so superfluously.

They wouldn’t just spit off at the mouth.

They would think before speaking…and this would quite possibly restore value to words used.

Trust ties in with this. When a person constantly needs convincing or proof, they lack trust.

You can’t cure that.

You can’t make someone trust you.

It just has to happen.

So if you can’t make someone trust you, and they’re not willing to let themselves trust you, you can’t really convince them either.

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Photo by Simon Shim on Unsplash

If you’re someone who doesn’t seek approval, this can be pretty frustrating.

So here’s the simple solution to at least clear your head.

Just say it.

Say it to the insecure types, the untrustworthy types of people you may encounter in life.

“I’m not going to convince you.”

But only say it on the basis your words carry fucking weight.

Two things can happen.

They either will disengage in conversation with you, and that’s that, or they’ll realize your lack of attempting to use a silver tongue means there is truth in what you speak.

Stop pandering to insecure people.

Catering to such a frame of mind will inevitably snowball into our downfall as human beings.

Think about it.

Stay cool…

– Rego

Improve Your Lifestyle. Improve Yourself. This is Life. This is Rego’s Life.™

Musings Episode 89: Convince No One… is a post from and appeared first on Rego’s Life

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Musings Episode 7: Work, Play, and Love…

Tonight I thought I’d get off the usual track of how my recent episodes have been going, instead switching to something a little different, yet still applicable to all aspects of life.

So many moments throughout the day people are clouded with the daily grind of work. Many times a balance is forgotten to be had, instead the sole focus being monetary gain.

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I don’t blame you for it.

There’s many awesome, and great things and experiences money can buy…and for all those who say money can’t buy happiness – bullshit. Like the infamous quote that once floated around in the social ether once upon a time, “money can’t buy me happiness…but at least I can cry in my Ferrari.”

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Also my private jet.

Money is a very, very useful and beneficial tool, if used correctly. The thing that can mess people up however, is losing sight of the purpose of creating and/or attaining the money.

Things are not the primary objective here. As I’ve said before it’s experiences. Road trips across Europe. Baseball games in South Korea. Sauna with your S.O. in Japan. Sandboarding in Brazil.

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We live in such a 40-hour work week driven society, many forget that all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy…ergo why this is reflected for many by blowing hundreds on alcohol over the weekend.

Throw in the consumerism of technology today, the “OMG I MUST have the iPhone 5, the 4S is like, so played out!” and you’ve got a recipe for a bad mix.

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I’ll admit it, aside from all the B.S. the media has portrayed since the beginning of time, one thing they did get spot on is the bits they’ve done on technology and the de-sensitizing of the youth today.

Why, you ask, do I agree with this?

Well, before technology, ironic as it may seem, there was more creativity…hear me out for a second. I’m talking about creativity in activities, in socializing, and in getting out and hitting the town.

Again, you’re probably asking, why do I say this?

In the movie Powder (1995), one of the characters quotes “It’s become appallingly clear that our technology has surpassed our humanity.”

I find this an interesting quote, because partially it’s true. Think about it – before the internet and smart phone age, the majority of the time if people wanted to talk or socialize with each other, they had two options – either pick up a land line (or if you could afford it) grab up your cell phone that was once the size of 2 bricks taped together, and call up whoever it was they wanted to get in contact with. If that wasn’t the case or if airtime was too ridiculous to pay for (before the days of “unlimited” everything), you had to go and meet up with that friend – or go over to their house.

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Unless you were this guy. This guy answered to no one.

There was a very critical human element in this…it was an engagement that required effort and time, and because this effort and time was expended many made sure that meet or that phone call was used well or properly.

Now? We just shoot text messages to each other, not even having to take the time out to text with our fingers. People constantly in touch with people they know everyday, and by the end of the day being saturated with the interaction, feel that actually meeting up with someone isn’t that big of a deal. They’ve communicated throughout the day, so why would there be more to talk about in person?

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…and contrary to popular belief, the mass majority of people who text and drive are not, just young people…fuckers.

This type of communication in my opinion has affected multiple human relationships, from friendships to relationships.

The friends you used to hang out with in primary school everyday after class, who stuck with you through high school and you used to talk everyday to on the phone, now get shot a casual text to “see how they’re doing”…

…your mom who you used to call on the phone and talk to for at least fifteen minutes you shoot a quick Happy Mother’s Day text to instead of a quick voicemail before work….

...what every mother loves to hear.

…what every mother loves to hear.

….that new girlfriend you have freaks out because you didn’t message her back fast enough or maybe didn’t use the right emoticon in the right sentence….10 years ago you realize the drama could’ve been avoided if you just rang her up for a few minutes…

Technology has reached a peak where people break up and divorce over Facebook statuses and wall posts.

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Fucking Facebook.

One wrong picture.

One wrong status.

Kids nowadays don’t knock on their friend’s doors but instead text, to say they’re outside. The fear of walking up to your friend’s door and [god forbid] having their parents answer is greater than running into traffic with your shoe laces from both shoes tied together and tripping.

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Smooth, ace…

It seems to me now we’re so hung up on data limits and the newest apps we forgot about the basics of human interaction.

This can – and has led to social dysfunction and downfalls. What happened to the novelty of paper birthday cards?

The fun of making the cake from scratch (heck, even the box), instead of picking it up from the store or a caterer?

Or how about instead of watching a movie on NetFlix on your cell phone while sitting at Starbuck’s with your S.O., actually taking the time to get messy in the kitchen and make dinner with each other then watching something on NetFlix with an actual TV later on?

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It’s the little things that matter but people have forgotten about…we forget to get back down to earth and remember the simpler things.

The effort.

The imagination.

The thought.

The involvement.

The more convenience we develop, it seems the less we actually attach or feel like we’ve created or engaged in something that’s a part of us.

This is what I mean when I refer to play and love in the title of this week’s episodic musing. This is why every week, I try to give you ladies and gents different ideas on what to do over the weekend – because if you notice, most of them involve heavy socializing.

They require an effort.

Engagement.

Imagination…and involvement.

Without these, we’re merely on auto pilot with technology dictating to us what we should or shouldn’t do, or how it’s easier to do this than that. Like the 8 ball we used to ask questions to when we were younger.

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But I like the effort. I like the effort of ringing up a friend and sorting out logistics for our next meet instead of through text.

I like the effort of looking for that one special gift for an anniversary by going store to store and taking in the sights, instead of just hopping on Amazon and ordering.

Call me old-fashioned or old school, but I like that feeling of putting effort into connecting with other people.

Networking and genuine interaction is key in everything – business, pleasure, and love.

It’s what keeps and maintains things long-term.

What people have to remember is this: with instant gratification, comes instant boredom.

The faster the high, the harder the crash.

Stay human.

– Rego

Musings Episode 7: Work, Play, and Love… is a post from and appeared first on Rego’s Life