Musings Episode 89: Convince No One…

Sappy Sunday.

Happy.*

Happy Sunday.

Happy and Sappy Sunday?

I don’t know/care…let’s just start.

Musings Episode 89: Convince No One…

Believe In Yourself And Stop Trying To Convince Others James De La Vega, James De La Vega quotes, convince quotes, convince no one quotes, stop trying to convince others quotes, Rego's Life quotes, Rego's Life, Musings Episode 89 Convince No One, Rego's Life Musings Episode 89 Convince No One, Musings Episode 89 Convince No One Rego's Life, Rego's Life, convince, how to convince someone, how to convince someone you love them, how to convince someone you like them, how to prove yourself, prove yourself, lazy sunday, sundays, episodic musings, Rego's Life episodic musings, episodic musings Rego's Life, episodic musings of a quintessential entrepreneur, Rego's Life episodic musings of a quintessential entrepreneur, episodic musings of a quintessential entrepreneur Rego's Life, approval, seeking approval, insecure, how to recognize an insecure person, how do I know if I'm insecure, narcissist, define narcissism, define insecure, happy, socializing, socialising, friends, lovers, business, entrepreneur, weekend, week, ego, humble, sunday, big egos, you don't have to convince anyone, no approval needed

Well….last week was exhausting.

I generally grow tired and exhausted when I’m required to engage in social contact that involves…people I don’t want to engage in social contact with.

So…when this happens, it feels like a battery that’s being drained and in desperate need of a recharge – I’m that battery.

There are also times when this happens that it feels like a battery that’s going to overload and explode – I am also that battery.

On both occasions, generally one of the exchanges that count as exhausting are whenever I’m talking to some egotistical slack-jawed junkslut – mostly in business.

Personal-life wise, I do a pretty good job of avoiding those types all together.

…and by “those types” I just mean someone up their own ass.

If you read my previous posts on ego and competition, there are a plethora of bad eggs like this in today’s time.

I’ve always been on the side of the argument that narcissism and egoism aren’t the same, and that in a world of this or that, narcissism is better than being insecure any day.

Largely because of the fact that when insecure people talk, in my experience many of them always seem to need convincing.

Convincing that they’re doing a good job.

Convincing that they’re loved.

Convincing that they’re a wonderful person.

Convincing that life doesn’t suck half as bad as they think it does.

Convincing that their friends really like them.

Convincing that their grandma (who’s been dead for like a millennium) really did love them.

They need convincing no matter how many times you may try to lift them up.

Don’t get me wrong – there’s nothing wrong with a little reassurance – but there’s a fine line.

With convincing, approval likes to tag along.

That is to say, insecurity often brings along the habit of a person doing things to seek approval.

Being a “people pleaser”.

Narcissists on the other hand, are interesting in the sense that they already tell themselves everyone loves them, they’re the best thing since sliced bread, and everything they do is like the first time something really useful was invented for human kind.

Like the lightbulb.

Or condoms.

They also obsess over being the best…which in turn, often makes them push themselves to be the best.

There are narcissist that are really just insecure people masquerading as narcissist (like Trump), I think, but that’s another story for another time.

So what am I getting at here…right – convincing.

Yeah, stop doing that shit.

It’s your life.

Stop bending over backwards to try to prove yourself if you already know you’ve made something decent or are making something decent of yourself when it comes to personal development.

Oddly, in several relationships across the board it seems like people need to be convinced more and more about different things.

Are people growing more insecure?

I Never Have Been Insecure Because I See What A Waste It Is I Know There Is A Solution To Insecurity I Don't Tend To Be Thrown By Problems That Don't Have Solutions And Insecurity Has A Wealth Of Alternatives Drew Barrymore, Drew Barrymore quotes, insecurity quotes, Rego's Life quotes, Rego's Life, Musings Episode 89 Convince No One, Rego's Life Musings Episode 89 Convince No One, Musings Episode 89 Convince No One Rego's Life, Rego's Life, convince, how to convince someone, how to convince someone you love them, how to convince someone you like them, how to prove yourself, prove yourself, lazy sunday, sundays, episodic musings, Rego's Life episodic musings, episodic musings Rego's Life, episodic musings of a quintessential entrepreneur, Rego's Life episodic musings of a quintessential entrepreneur, episodic musings of a quintessential entrepreneur Rego's Life, approval, seeking approval, insecure, how to recognize an insecure person, how do I know if I'm insecure, narcissist, define narcissism, define insecure, happy, socializing, socialising, friends, lovers, business, entrepreneur, weekend, week, ego, humble, sunday, big egos, you don't have to convince anyone, no approval needed

Take business for instance. Remember the good old days where you just swung by a company, maybe sweet talked the receptionist into getting you a spot to see the boss, or walked in regularly and asked to see the person in charge because you saw an ad in the paper?

You put in your CV/resumé, you either got seen the next day, or same day, had an informal chat, and before you knew it you were hired?

There were no 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, interviews plus one drink-the-blood-of-a-goat final 5th ritual interview, just because they needed to cross-examine to make sure they were convinced enough to hire you.

There was no portfolio you had to present, no vague requests to “prove a track record of success” without actually specifying exactly what they’re looking for.

A guy looked at your CV, had a chat with you to see if what was on your CV wasn’t bullshit, and went with his gut.

There was an unsaid trust.

This amazingly managed to do just as good of a job as what recruiters are “trained” to do (but fail ever so miserably at) when it comes to ensuring people were hired based off of their talent or skills they could bring to a company, rather than nepotism or particularism.

Or for another example, take romantic relationships.

Remember when you could just walk up to someone, apologize for interrupting, and compliment them on something you really liked about them physically?

Or maybe you’d just be in the bookstore and strike up a conversation about a book you see someone considering buying and you’ve bought it before so hey great, conversation starter.

There’d either be a positive or negative reaction, you’d maybe swap numbers (home numbers, no mobile phones then), eventually go on dates, etc.

Once you were in the relationship, texting day-to-day wasn’t necessary nor was it possible.

The person just trusted that you liked them and them only, and when you both did call to meet up again, you valued it more.

You never really had to convince one another you were into each other, because each time you both met it was like meeting each other all over again – all due to a build up of the feeling of missing one another and looking forward to seeing each other.

Friendships are the same way. I could go on and on and on but I think you’re smart enough to draw up your own examples.

Along with a culture of busyness, of victim mentality, it seems like there’s a culture of a need to be convinced, which perpetuates a cycle of a need to prove, a desire for approval.

Nobody really says “prove it to me”.

Alright so maybe some business people do, but nobody really says prove it.

What are you, 5?

They won’t ever really say it because they don’t want to sound 5.

But actions speak loud enough to send the message without words ever having to leave the mouth.

I’m very much action oriented…so maybe this irritates me more than others.

But frankly, I don’t believe in people’s words.

Ironic, right?

A writer, who writes, and writes, and writes – but doesn’t believe other people’s words.

Well, maybe it’s a little more nuanced than that.

I believe people’s words, but I watch their actions.

I don’t believe in proving, don’t believe in convincing, and don’t seek approval.

I’ll take someone’s word, trust and expect them to do the action, and leave them to it.

If they don’t I don’t really care, because I don’t attach much weight to their words first time around.

I do believe that actions speak a lot louder than words, when carried out.

Largely because of the fact that as the desire from people, of people to prove themselves, to convince other people that they are what they are, can do what they can do, feel how they feel, and need what they need, increases…it only perpetuates the issue of words becoming devoid, meaningless – lip service.

Saying whatever it is someone wants to hear makes words’ value drop to absolute zero.

He who does not understand your silence will probably not understand your words Elbert Hubbard, silence quotes, words quotes, Elbert Hubbard quotes, Rego's Life quotes, Elbert Hubbard, Musings Episode 89 Convince No One, Rego's Life Musings Episode 89 Convince No One, Musings Episode 89 Convince No One Rego's Life, Rego's Life, convince, how to convince someone, how to convince someone you love them, how to convince someone you like them, how to prove yourself, prove yourself, lazy sunday, sundays, episodic musings, Rego's Life episodic musings, episodic musings Rego's Life, episodic musings of a quintessential entrepreneur, Rego's Life episodic musings of a quintessential entrepreneur, episodic musings of a quintessential entrepreneur Rego's Life, approval, seeking approval, insecure, how to recognize an insecure person, how do I know if I'm insecure, narcissist, define narcissism, define insecure, happy, socializing, socialising, friends, lovers, business, entrepreneur, weekend, week, ego, humble, sunday, big egos, you don't have to convince anyone, no approval needed

Photo by MILKOVÍ on Unsplash

Saying whatever it is someone wants to hear increases the need for actual proof through actions to be carried out.

In people wanting others to convince them, to prove to them, whatever it is that they want proof or convincing of, it makes it harder to separate the real from the pleaser.

The true from the false.

The raw from the sugar-coated.

Which creates the theory that if people realized the weight of their words, the value of their words, they wouldn’t use them so superfluously.

They wouldn’t just spit off at the mouth.

They would think before speaking…and this would quite possibly restore value to words used.

Trust ties in with this. When a person constantly needs convincing or proof, they lack trust.

You can’t cure that.

You can’t make someone trust you.

It just has to happen.

So if you can’t make someone trust you, and they’re not willing to let themselves trust you, you can’t really convince them either.

I'm just not into trying to convince people like me I always say to myself it is what it is I walk into a situation knowing that people are either going to love me or they're not and that's ok I'm just going to be me You can't be everything to everyone Nene leakes, convince quotes, Nene Leakes quotes, Rego's Life quotes, Rego's Life, Just be yourself quotes, Musings Episode 89 Convince No One, Rego's Life Musings Episode 89 Convince No One, Musings Episode 89 Convince No One Rego's Life, Rego's Life, convince, how to convince someone, how to convince someone you love them, how to convince someone you like them, how to prove yourself, prove yourself, lazy sunday, sundays, episodic musings, Rego's Life episodic musings, episodic musings Rego's Life, episodic musings of a quintessential entrepreneur, Rego's Life episodic musings of a quintessential entrepreneur, episodic musings of a quintessential entrepreneur Rego's Life, approval, seeking approval, insecure, how to recognize an insecure person, how do I know if I'm insecure, narcissist, define narcissism, define insecure, happy, socializing, socialising, friends, lovers, business, entrepreneur, weekend, week, ego, humble, sunday, big egos, you don't have to convince anyone, no approval needed

Photo by Simon Shim on Unsplash

If you’re someone who doesn’t seek approval, this can be pretty frustrating.

So here’s the simple solution to at least clear your head.

Just say it.

Say it to the insecure types, the untrustworthy types of people you may encounter in life.

“I’m not going to convince you.”

But only say it on the basis your words carry fucking weight.

Two things can happen.

They either will disengage in conversation with you, and that’s that, or they’ll realize your lack of attempting to use a silver tongue means there is truth in what you speak.

Stop pandering to insecure people.

Catering to such a frame of mind will inevitably snowball into our downfall as human beings.

Think about it.

Stay cool…

– Rego

Improve Your Lifestyle. Improve Yourself. This is Life. This is Rego’s Life.™

Musings Episode 89: Convince No One… is a post from and appeared first on Rego’s Life

Advertisements

Musings Episode 14: Friends for Friends….or Friends for Money….?

So  my friends and I were all sitting around this weekend by the pool, and remembering exactly how each and every one of us first met. Some at coffee shops or events, others through other friends…and it kind of bled into the topic about how exactly people acquire friends as they age.

friends-fingers

Obviously by getting out there more and having more experiences, from travel to dance classes, yachting to hanging out at a decent lounge bar, you make friends one way or the other. Well really, acquaintances when you think about it – then there’s a filtration process. My buddies and I discussed that as well and that’s probably the most frustrating part.

Most of my friends run in the same circle – and by circle I mean way of thinking. Entrepreneurial, driven, independent, forward thinking. We all work, and play hard – well, maybe play a bit harder than we work 😉 after all the motto is work smart, not hard.

enjoy-your-success

What exactly do I mean by filtering? Well, I’m not trying to go on a rant here, while picking up acquaintances is easy, it’s finding genuine friends that requires a bit of skill. You’ve all heard it at some point before – in movies, general conversation, through music. While being successful is great, sometimes it’s an absolute drag when people get to know you better.

Think of it like this – you happen to meet someone – in public, at the grocery store, through a social event, maybe shooting pool or going bowling, joining a fencing class in your area or hitting up a dojo because you’ve been wanting to try out Aikido for months now. You two exchange a few words, hit it off really well, get each other’s contact info. You invite them out, either with other friends or maybe to party it up somewhere, maybe go for some hookah.

Somewhere nice. Hookah's always better when it's someplace nice.

Somewhere nice. Hookah’s always better when it’s someplace nice.

Turns out you guys have a lot in common – both into sports, both into great music, both into travel and open to other cultures. It’s great – ever had those kind of conversations where it’s not forced and it just flows really well? Yeah – those are awesome. So you talk, talk, talk the night away. Bond with some hookah, bond with some drinks, hell, you may even become wing men/women and hit on people together.

Things seem great – until something happens. It could be the first time, could be the second, third even. Bottom line is – it happens…

…and usually, it leaves you with that sick, churning kind of feeling in your stomach. The “oh no…not again” type.

The bill comes, and they ask if you can cover some of their portion for it.

Or the bill comes, and they say ask if you can spot them this time because you’re “good for it.”

Or…my favorite, because it’s just so damn funny – the opposite (or same, for some) sex, says that you’re good for it, and while they may not have enough cash – they have something else for you afterwards if you do front their half of the bill. Then just kind of…nudge or press into you and wink.

After all....sex sells. For some. I'll pass though, thanks.

After all….sex sells.
For some. I’ll pass though, thanks.

Now don’t get me wrong here – I love treating people. I love buying a bottle or two and passing it around the table. I love buying food for everyone or buying every other round of drinksHowever – when it’s expected that it should be done automatically, sheerly based off the fact someone is under the assumption you’re better off than them – even if they may be doing pretty damn well for themselves. This absolutely irks me.

My friend Luke (no, not the one from Star Wars) absolutely hates it as well.

Why?

Well, because honestly it kind of makes a person feel like they’re being used. Taken for. Taken advantage of. Sort of like if someone’s looking at you, and you look into their eyes, and instead of the reflection of yourself – you see dollar signs. Their eyes are lit up, bright and green, with paper.

As green as this girl's shirt.

Almost as green as this girl’s dress.

And again hey, don’t get me wrong, this doesn’t just happen with successful men – so fellas, before you go on a rant about how women are gold diggers, there are plenty of guys out there who seduce women for the thing humans so highly hold called money. Don’t believe me? Check out the movie Spread (2009).

…and this is where the filtration process kicks in.

My friends and I all have different tactics – one of them when inviting new people out, attempts to have the most boring outing of their life, just so they can see whether or not the person wants to be their friend because they want to hang out with them. Not their money. You’re probably asking why they’d go out and do something boring – well, think about it…

…you’re out and about, having a good time, at a live music venue, yadda yadda. Or maybe you’re both playing squash or out racing go karts. Naturally, a setting has been created, where you’re both having fun. This really eliminates the need for any form of meaningful conversation. The fun is there – the mind is focused on said fun. The engagement is already there.

indoor-go-kart-racing-at-houstons-Track-21-612x375

Prepare to get owned.

It’s like video games – or even better it’s like watching a movie – you don’t really engage with each other – you just watch the movie, and maybe share some brief thoughts about it afterwards. Which is why I’m really not a fan of suggesting those type of things in my dating life, for a first date. It’s an inefficient use of time, and an exit for pushing yourself to become a conversationalist.

My point is creating a boring atmosphere really accomplishes two things:

  1. It pulls people out of their shell and gets them to talk – instead of fiddling with their phone.
  2. It reveals whether a person wants to get to know you or your money.

So when you’re sitting there with nothing but a Dos Equis in one hand and the view of the beach across the street, you’ve gotta actually think about what to talk about. What questions to ask, topics to pick, etc, etc. The best part about this is – you can get a relatively clear reading on the person. Not doing an all too engaging activity gives you time to study body language, eye movement, facial expressions (which tell you a LOT, like if someone’s lying – if you pay attention), and much more.

090813142131-large

This is the best way to get to know a person…and besides, before all the technology, before all the awesome things that were created for having a great time graced human existence today, this is how we started out – through conversation. Literature was once the fuel that flamed this fire – reading about different things, educating ourselves, studying an atlas, breaking down and comprehending poetry, all that jazz….

…and by conversating with and reading people, often you’ll find you can read their thoughts. Their motives. Their intentions. Their hearts.

You can tell if they wanna get to know you, for you.

Not your bank account.

Stay smart…and you’ll stay happy.

– Rego

Musings Episode 14: Friends for Friends….or Friends for Money….? is a post from and appeared first on Rego’s Life