Musings Episode 89: Convince No One…

Sappy Sunday.

Happy.*

Happy Sunday.

Happy and Sappy Sunday?

I don’t know/care…let’s just start.

Musings Episode 89: Convince No One…

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Well….last week was exhausting.

I generally grow tired and exhausted when I’m required to engage in social contact that involves…people I don’t want to engage in social contact with.

So…when this happens, it feels like a battery that’s being drained and in desperate need of a recharge – I’m that battery.

There are also times when this happens that it feels like a battery that’s going to overload and explode – I am also that battery.

On both occasions, generally one of the exchanges that count as exhausting are whenever I’m talking to some egotistical slack-jawed junkslut – mostly in business.

Personal-life wise, I do a pretty good job of avoiding those types all together.

…and by “those types” I just mean someone up their own ass.

If you read my previous posts on ego and competition, there are a plethora of bad eggs like this in today’s time.

I’ve always been on the side of the argument that narcissism and egoism aren’t the same, and that in a world of this or that, narcissism is better than being insecure any day.

Largely because of the fact that when insecure people talk, in my experience many of them always seem to need convincing.

Convincing that they’re doing a good job.

Convincing that they’re loved.

Convincing that they’re a wonderful person.

Convincing that life doesn’t suck half as bad as they think it does.

Convincing that their friends really like them.

Convincing that their grandma (who’s been dead for like a millennium) really did love them.

They need convincing no matter how many times you may try to lift them up.

Don’t get me wrong – there’s nothing wrong with a little reassurance – but there’s a fine line.

With convincing, approval likes to tag along.

That is to say, insecurity often brings along the habit of a person doing things to seek approval.

Being a “people pleaser”.

Narcissists on the other hand, are interesting in the sense that they already tell themselves everyone loves them, they’re the best thing since sliced bread, and everything they do is like the first time something really useful was invented for human kind.

Like the lightbulb.

Or condoms.

They also obsess over being the best…which in turn, often makes them push themselves to be the best.

There are narcissist that are really just insecure people masquerading as narcissist (like Trump), I think, but that’s another story for another time.

So what am I getting at here…right – convincing.

Yeah, stop doing that shit.

It’s your life.

Stop bending over backwards to try to prove yourself if you already know you’ve made something decent or are making something decent of yourself when it comes to personal development.

Oddly, in several relationships across the board it seems like people need to be convinced more and more about different things.

Are people growing more insecure?

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Take business for instance. Remember the good old days where you just swung by a company, maybe sweet talked the receptionist into getting you a spot to see the boss, or walked in regularly and asked to see the person in charge because you saw an ad in the paper?

You put in your CV/resumé, you either got seen the next day, or same day, had an informal chat, and before you knew it you were hired?

There were no 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, interviews plus one drink-the-blood-of-a-goat final 5th ritual interview, just because they needed to cross-examine to make sure they were convinced enough to hire you.

There was no portfolio you had to present, no vague requests to “prove a track record of success” without actually specifying exactly what they’re looking for.

A guy looked at your CV, had a chat with you to see if what was on your CV wasn’t bullshit, and went with his gut.

There was an unsaid trust.

This amazingly managed to do just as good of a job as what recruiters are “trained” to do (but fail ever so miserably at) when it comes to ensuring people were hired based off of their talent or skills they could bring to a company, rather than nepotism or particularism.

Or for another example, take romantic relationships.

Remember when you could just walk up to someone, apologize for interrupting, and compliment them on something you really liked about them physically?

Or maybe you’d just be in the bookstore and strike up a conversation about a book you see someone considering buying and you’ve bought it before so hey great, conversation starter.

There’d either be a positive or negative reaction, you’d maybe swap numbers (home numbers, no mobile phones then), eventually go on dates, etc.

Once you were in the relationship, texting day-to-day wasn’t necessary nor was it possible.

The person just trusted that you liked them and them only, and when you both did call to meet up again, you valued it more.

You never really had to convince one another you were into each other, because each time you both met it was like meeting each other all over again – all due to a build up of the feeling of missing one another and looking forward to seeing each other.

Friendships are the same way. I could go on and on and on but I think you’re smart enough to draw up your own examples.

Along with a culture of busyness, of victim mentality, it seems like there’s a culture of a need to be convinced, which perpetuates a cycle of a need to prove, a desire for approval.

Nobody really says “prove it to me”.

Alright so maybe some business people do, but nobody really says prove it.

What are you, 5?

They won’t ever really say it because they don’t want to sound 5.

But actions speak loud enough to send the message without words ever having to leave the mouth.

I’m very much action oriented…so maybe this irritates me more than others.

But frankly, I don’t believe in people’s words.

Ironic, right?

A writer, who writes, and writes, and writes – but doesn’t believe other people’s words.

Well, maybe it’s a little more nuanced than that.

I believe people’s words, but I watch their actions.

I don’t believe in proving, don’t believe in convincing, and don’t seek approval.

I’ll take someone’s word, trust and expect them to do the action, and leave them to it.

If they don’t I don’t really care, because I don’t attach much weight to their words first time around.

I do believe that actions speak a lot louder than words, when carried out.

Largely because of the fact that as the desire from people, of people to prove themselves, to convince other people that they are what they are, can do what they can do, feel how they feel, and need what they need, increases…it only perpetuates the issue of words becoming devoid, meaningless – lip service.

Saying whatever it is someone wants to hear makes words’ value drop to absolute zero.

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Saying whatever it is someone wants to hear increases the need for actual proof through actions to be carried out.

In people wanting others to convince them, to prove to them, whatever it is that they want proof or convincing of, it makes it harder to separate the real from the pleaser.

The true from the false.

The raw from the sugar-coated.

Which creates the theory that if people realized the weight of their words, the value of their words, they wouldn’t use them so superfluously.

They wouldn’t just spit off at the mouth.

They would think before speaking…and this would quite possibly restore value to words used.

Trust ties in with this. When a person constantly needs convincing or proof, they lack trust.

You can’t cure that.

You can’t make someone trust you.

It just has to happen.

So if you can’t make someone trust you, and they’re not willing to let themselves trust you, you can’t really convince them either.

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If you’re someone who doesn’t seek approval, this can be pretty frustrating.

So here’s the simple solution to at least clear your head.

Just say it.

Say it to the insecure types, the untrustworthy types of people you may encounter in life.

“I’m not going to convince you.”

But only say it on the basis your words carry fucking weight.

Two things can happen.

They either will disengage in conversation with you, and that’s that, or they’ll realize your lack of attempting to use a silver tongue means there is truth in what you speak.

Stop pandering to insecure people.

Catering to such a frame of mind will inevitably snowball into our downfall as human beings.

Think about it.

Stay cool…

– Rego

Improve Your Lifestyle. Improve Yourself. This is Life. This is Rego’s Life.™

Musings Episode 89: Convince No One… is a post from and appeared first on Rego’s Life

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“Trying to hold someone back when…

Musings: Quote Wednesdays…

Trying to hold someone back when they see them positively progressing forward because they’re not happy with their own progress That’s ego I’m not this blog Not the places I’ve been Not the work I’ve done Nor the entreprenurial pursuits Not the photos I’ve taken Not the people I’ve dated Nor the friends I have I’ve enjoyed all those things and still do but they’re great additions to my life they’re not me I’m a living breathing organism who’s amassed knowledge feelings experience and an understanding of myself from things I’ve chosen to turn my attention to Rego, ego quotes, happy valentine's day, valentine's day, dump your ego, love yourself, love, Rego's Life quotes, Rego's Life, Quote Wednesdays, Quote Wednesdays Rego's Life, Rego's Life Quote Wednesdays, Ego, how to overcome ego, get over your ego, big ego, what is ego, what does ego mean, how big is your ego, happy hump day, wednesdays, how to tell if people are really your friends, how to tell if your friends are real, valentine's day gift

Photo by Alessio Lin on Unsplash

Thought this needed reiteration from this week’s episodic musing. Don’t let people hold you back – and don’t hold people back.

Love yourself enough to dump your ego and develop real confidence, self assurance, and certainty, by getting out of your comfort zone and going for what you want, without crushing other people.

Hope everyone’s having a great week.

As always…

Stay awesome.

– Rego

Improve Your Lifestyle. Improve Yourself. This is Life. This is Rego’s Life.™

Musings Episode 85: Ego…

Hope everyone’s had a great weekend.

Let’s just get right to it.

Musings Episode 85: Ego…

You’ll remember last week’s post where I talked about running in place, the two different sources of dissatisfaction, and a few other things.

You’ll also probably remember what I talked about the week before last, about guts over fear, and if you really want to do something, to just do it.

I think both of those topics have to do with concrete things.

But there’s something else that ties in with what people do in every day life, why they do it and how.

Come to think of it – it also ties in with what people don’t do in every day life, and why they don’t do it as well.

Ego.

There’s two key players in our brains – logic and creativity.

Some may argue that the two are separate, because they’re opposites. Logic is left brained while creativity dominates the right. The same could be said about emotion.

True, but while emotion and creativity are different from logic, they still support each other in certain functions.

Logic allows us to execute a systematic and structured plan of action to carry out our creative thoughts.

Picking up the paint brush, holding it a certain way, mixing certain colours, dry time of the canvas, layering, etc, etc. The same goes for photography.

Logic can also allow us to step away from an emotional situation and take an objective look at why that emotion is being felt in that situation.

Creativity can allow us to create something useful, something functional, with aesthetic appeal, or a “fun” element to it.

Emotion allows us to put the human back into humanity when logic fails to acknowledge when emotion is needed to maintain rationality, and vice versa.

So if logic and emotion, or logic and creativity can be interdependent on each other, lend to each other, and at the same time can be considered vastly different qualities that can be separated from each other, why then, don’t people apply this to a fundamental part of their lives – their careers?

What about their relationshipsPersonal development?

I could go on, but the point I’m trying to make here is, in today’s society it’s important to remember that you’re not what you do.

You’re not your job.

You’re not your job title.

You’re not your role in your relationship.

You’re not the car you buy.

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You’re you.

While it’s great to have all that, remember who and what you are, without all of it.

You’re this living, breathing organism, that like a Final Fantasy (RPG) game character just keeps leveling up – maybe getting a new weapon here, or some new armour there, or some new skills here, or better health there, or new party members here, and so on and so on.

You gain the weapons and the armor from money earned at each battle, but you gain the better health, skills, and other things from experience points.

You’re a living being that (hopefully) progressively changes as you gain experience with new, different, experiences, constantly getting to know yourself better.

Experiences and situations are accessories that you choose to take on or confront in your life.

So why not separate yourself from all that other stuff – the job, the car, the house, the relationship?

Ego.

Ego is a very abstract thing. Logically you can’t define it, it’s pretty difficult to pin down.

Fuck what religion, or spirituality, or all of that stuff says.

I think those types of things can still taint or manipulate the message of what ego really is for their own benefit, which I’ll explain towards the end of this.

I’m not saying I have a perfect definition for it either, but I will say this: people today, not that they haven’t been before, but even more so today, with the advancements of technology, and the comfort of convenience, which has ultimately lead to a false perception of self-reliance, are running wild with their egos.

Your ego tells you you are your job.

Your job title.

Your ego tells you you are the only person in the household who gets things done.

Your ego tells you you are lower, middle, upper, and elite class.

Hell, society tells you you’re all that too.

Society tells you if you drive this car you’re this. If you wear this, you’re that. If you live in this neigbourhood, you’re this.

Society also has a tendency to try and dictate to you what you aren’t, as well.

It goes both ways, too.

While people who identify themselves as rich may assume someone who doesn’t drive a Bentley isn’t financially savvy or educated, people who identify as poor may look at someone who’s educated or well off as being “soft,” never having experienced hardship.

Society itself, is a collection of egos, communicating to other egos – your ego.

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Attempting to tell you what you should have, what you shouldn’t, what you do deserve, what you don’t, what you have done, what you haven’t, what you have been through, what you haven’t, what you should be watching, doing, saying, BEING.

The most popular stuff is shoved in front of your face everyday on Facebook, Netflix, Instagram, cable TV, Twitter, the news, shop windows, magazines, movies, on and on and on and on…

But if you strip all the “accessories” away, what are you?

Who are you?

Do you really know what you like?

What you want?

What you want to do?

What you’ve done?

Without anybody telling you, have you made these decisions yourself?

I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again.

What you do, is not who you are. What you’ve done is simply a history, a timeline, of how far you’ve realised your own potential and pushed your own limits.

Mediocrity never was, and never should be an intended destiny for a species as intelligent as the human race.

Your only competition is the version of yourself you were yesterday – so don’t let others measure you with their own limiting beliefs – know your worth.

We have free will. Free will to do or to not do something. Free will to cooperate with each other.

People’s egos run wild when they try to do this to other people.

Telling them WHAT they are, rather than asking.

Telling them WHERE they should be, rather than letting them just…be.

Acting like they’re helping someone, only to gain mileage for themselves later.

Trying to hold someone back when they see them positively progressing forward, because they’re not happy with their own progress.

That’s ego.

I’m not this blog.

Not the places I’ve been.

Not the work I’ve done.

Nor the entreprenurial pursuits.

Not the photos I’ve taken.

Not the people I’ve dated.

Nor the friends I have.

I’ve enjoyed all those things and still do – but they’re great additions to my life – they’re not me.

I’m a living, breathing, organism, who’s amassed knowledge, feelings, experience, and an understanding of myself from things I’ve chosen to turn my attention to.

I’m just one big makeup of energy, choosing to expend myself on whatever I feel is right on a day-to-day basis, and recharging at night.

The same way I don’t let just anybody drive my car, I don’t let just anything drain my energy – or time.

I prefer to expend energy into things that’ll exchange that same positive energy.

But this is the important part.

I’m not talking about this bullshit, “you are what you think about most, always go around being nice to people” stuff.

Because this is what most people leave out:

There are a shit ton of people out there who can “act” nice to each other.

It doesn’t mean they’re genuine.

It doesn’t mean they want to see you do good – or even better than them, for that matter.

Will said something very interesting along the lines of this a while ago, have a listen:

Who are the people that are fanning your flames?

A post shared by Will Smith (@willsmith) on

But what people have to realise is, no one is doing better than anyone else.

You’re just doing you. If you weren’t in their life, what would they have to measure themselves with? Someone else? What if no one was in their life?

You can’t possibly be “doing better” than anyone else, if everyone has their own personal goals and milestones.

So what do you care if you help someone out when they’re earnestly looking to become a better version of themselves?

You’re not what you do, but you’re not alone.

Cooperation is vital to human survival. Cooperation is just an exchange of good energies.

So check your ego at the door.

Have a sense of who you are at your core.

Don’t be a dick.

Be cordial (be nice).

Be genuine.

Lift up the people you call your friends, family, lovers, and others who are looking to do a little good in the world.

Look for others who do the same.

And don’t fuck with people who do any of the negative stuff you just read about.

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As always…

Stay Awesome.

– Rego

Improve Your Lifestyle. Improve Yourself. This is Life. This is Rego’s Life.™

Musings Episode 85: Ego… is a post from and appeared first on Rego’s Life