Musings Episode 89: Convince No One…

Sappy Sunday.

Happy.*

Happy Sunday.

Happy and Sappy Sunday?

I don’t know/care…let’s just start.

Musings Episode 89: Convince No One…

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Well….last week was exhausting.

I generally grow tired and exhausted when I’m required to engage in social contact that involves…people I don’t want to engage in social contact with.

So…when this happens, it feels like a battery that’s being drained and in desperate need of a recharge – I’m that battery.

There are also times when this happens that it feels like a battery that’s going to overload and explode – I am also that battery.

On both occasions, generally one of the exchanges that count as exhausting are whenever I’m talking to some egotistical slack-jawed junkslut – mostly in business.

Personal-life wise, I do a pretty good job of avoiding those types all together.

…and by “those types” I just mean someone up their own ass.

If you read my previous posts on ego and competition, there are a plethora of bad eggs like this in today’s time.

I’ve always been on the side of the argument that narcissism and egoism aren’t the same, and that in a world of this or that, narcissism is better than being insecure any day.

Largely because of the fact that when insecure people talk, in my experience many of them always seem to need convincing.

Convincing that they’re doing a good job.

Convincing that they’re loved.

Convincing that they’re a wonderful person.

Convincing that life doesn’t suck half as bad as they think it does.

Convincing that their friends really like them.

Convincing that their grandma (who’s been dead for like a millennium) really did love them.

They need convincing no matter how many times you may try to lift them up.

Don’t get me wrong – there’s nothing wrong with a little reassurance – but there’s a fine line.

With convincing, approval likes to tag along.

That is to say, insecurity often brings along the habit of a person doing things to seek approval.

Being a “people pleaser”.

Narcissists on the other hand, are interesting in the sense that they already tell themselves everyone loves them, they’re the best thing since sliced bread, and everything they do is like the first time something really useful was invented for human kind.

Like the lightbulb.

Or condoms.

They also obsess over being the best…which in turn, often makes them push themselves to be the best.

There are narcissist that are really just insecure people masquerading as narcissist (like Trump), I think, but that’s another story for another time.

So what am I getting at here…right – convincing.

Yeah, stop doing that shit.

It’s your life.

Stop bending over backwards to try to prove yourself if you already know you’ve made something decent or are making something decent of yourself when it comes to personal development.

Oddly, in several relationships across the board it seems like people need to be convinced more and more about different things.

Are people growing more insecure?

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Take business for instance. Remember the good old days where you just swung by a company, maybe sweet talked the receptionist into getting you a spot to see the boss, or walked in regularly and asked to see the person in charge because you saw an ad in the paper?

You put in your CV/resumé, you either got seen the next day, or same day, had an informal chat, and before you knew it you were hired?

There were no 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, interviews plus one drink-the-blood-of-a-goat final 5th ritual interview, just because they needed to cross-examine to make sure they were convinced enough to hire you.

There was no portfolio you had to present, no vague requests to “prove a track record of success” without actually specifying exactly what they’re looking for.

A guy looked at your CV, had a chat with you to see if what was on your CV wasn’t bullshit, and went with his gut.

There was an unsaid trust.

This amazingly managed to do just as good of a job as what recruiters are “trained” to do (but fail ever so miserably at) when it comes to ensuring people were hired based off of their talent or skills they could bring to a company, rather than nepotism or particularism.

Or for another example, take romantic relationships.

Remember when you could just walk up to someone, apologize for interrupting, and compliment them on something you really liked about them physically?

Or maybe you’d just be in the bookstore and strike up a conversation about a book you see someone considering buying and you’ve bought it before so hey great, conversation starter.

There’d either be a positive or negative reaction, you’d maybe swap numbers (home numbers, no mobile phones then), eventually go on dates, etc.

Once you were in the relationship, texting day-to-day wasn’t necessary nor was it possible.

The person just trusted that you liked them and them only, and when you both did call to meet up again, you valued it more.

You never really had to convince one another you were into each other, because each time you both met it was like meeting each other all over again – all due to a build up of the feeling of missing one another and looking forward to seeing each other.

Friendships are the same way. I could go on and on and on but I think you’re smart enough to draw up your own examples.

Along with a culture of busyness, of victim mentality, it seems like there’s a culture of a need to be convinced, which perpetuates a cycle of a need to prove, a desire for approval.

Nobody really says “prove it to me”.

Alright so maybe some business people do, but nobody really says prove it.

What are you, 5?

They won’t ever really say it because they don’t want to sound 5.

But actions speak loud enough to send the message without words ever having to leave the mouth.

I’m very much action oriented…so maybe this irritates me more than others.

But frankly, I don’t believe in people’s words.

Ironic, right?

A writer, who writes, and writes, and writes – but doesn’t believe other people’s words.

Well, maybe it’s a little more nuanced than that.

I believe people’s words, but I watch their actions.

I don’t believe in proving, don’t believe in convincing, and don’t seek approval.

I’ll take someone’s word, trust and expect them to do the action, and leave them to it.

If they don’t I don’t really care, because I don’t attach much weight to their words first time around.

I do believe that actions speak a lot louder than words, when carried out.

Largely because of the fact that as the desire from people, of people to prove themselves, to convince other people that they are what they are, can do what they can do, feel how they feel, and need what they need, increases…it only perpetuates the issue of words becoming devoid, meaningless – lip service.

Saying whatever it is someone wants to hear makes words’ value drop to absolute zero.

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Photo by MILKOVÍ on Unsplash

Saying whatever it is someone wants to hear increases the need for actual proof through actions to be carried out.

In people wanting others to convince them, to prove to them, whatever it is that they want proof or convincing of, it makes it harder to separate the real from the pleaser.

The true from the false.

The raw from the sugar-coated.

Which creates the theory that if people realized the weight of their words, the value of their words, they wouldn’t use them so superfluously.

They wouldn’t just spit off at the mouth.

They would think before speaking…and this would quite possibly restore value to words used.

Trust ties in with this. When a person constantly needs convincing or proof, they lack trust.

You can’t cure that.

You can’t make someone trust you.

It just has to happen.

So if you can’t make someone trust you, and they’re not willing to let themselves trust you, you can’t really convince them either.

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Photo by Simon Shim on Unsplash

If you’re someone who doesn’t seek approval, this can be pretty frustrating.

So here’s the simple solution to at least clear your head.

Just say it.

Say it to the insecure types, the untrustworthy types of people you may encounter in life.

“I’m not going to convince you.”

But only say it on the basis your words carry fucking weight.

Two things can happen.

They either will disengage in conversation with you, and that’s that, or they’ll realize your lack of attempting to use a silver tongue means there is truth in what you speak.

Stop pandering to insecure people.

Catering to such a frame of mind will inevitably snowball into our downfall as human beings.

Think about it.

Stay cool…

– Rego

Improve Your Lifestyle. Improve Yourself. This is Life. This is Rego’s Life.™

Musings Episode 89: Convince No One… is a post from and appeared first on Rego’s Life

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Musings Episode 34: Laugh a Little…

This past Friday I wasn’t feeling too on the up and up…

…not in the dodgy sense, but I just felt dragged down, burnt out.

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I’ve been working on a new extension of my official site, and the day prior had really given it my all – almost 13 hours straight just getting objectives knocked out one by one. I get into these super charged moments at times.

The next morning I overslept, which had me waking up feeling worse. As a perfectionist, I have a tendency to be a bit hard on myself.

For the rest of the day, I couldn’t really focus. I tried getting my head in gear but it just wasn’t working. Finally, frustrated, I decided to head down to the beach and go for a swim – one problem though. The water was ROLLING…surfers were out, it was close to high tide, and the smallest swells you’d usually be able to wade right through as you walked into the ocean curled and were over my head – I’m not a short person. Heck, there wasn’t really much to wade into – just waves – and not clean sets either.

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They were in such quick succession, sometimes one instantly after the other, I got pushed back about twice – remember, I was going for a swim, not surf, so no board to break the swell.

Now I believe that you should never mess with mother nature when you’re pissed off – and that goes double for the ocean…but stubborn as I sometimes am, I decided to go against my own rule, and the third time the water tried to push me back, I ran right into it and dove…right into a sandy rip curl.

Broke past it, only to have another, this time far less sandy one come at me, dove again, and again, and again. Finally got to a point where the swell didn’t curl, then the pattern changed again. So I dove again – slapped a fish (unintentionally), and while I was underwater noticed just how quickly the sand was being disturbed.

The current was strong, and just when I stabilized and was wading in all the turmoil, once the current pulled back, I started to feel it take my feet with it – and this is where it happened….

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I started laughing, put my hands behind my head, and literally laid back as it pulled the lower half of my body. So there I was, underwater eyes open, leveled out as if I were just casually laying back in bed. The ocean pulled me under, and then like those wet roller coaster rides I had a rip curl thrown into my face with such force and speed it was one of the loudest things I’d heard in a while.

Shortly after I got pushed back on the sand, and as I got up to leave the water, found myself laughing harder than I had all week. That force of water beating down on my head knocked me back to my senses. Mother nature literally slapped me silly.

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I picked up my towel and hit the shower, drove home. All the tension was gone. All the stress. The classic thoughts of “push harder” every perfectionist feels at some point. That pounding feeling at my forehead, and the stiffness in the back of my neck…and there I was, driving home in complete silence, smiling, and laughing to myself.

Usually, hitting up the beach just clears my head, get my thoughts in line…but that day – it reminded me that there are bigger things out there going on than stressing out – humans are just one small speck of this world, even if they hold responsibility to take care of it.

The ocean still moves.

Birds still fly.

Grass still grows and fruit still ripens.

Even if people get stuck in their own frustrations, the show must go on, and it does. Without thinking twice. People create their own problems, and their own paradise. The solution is going through the menu and ordering up which one you want.

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You decide whether or not to just let go. To step away from a problem and come back to it. I’m not saying shirk responsibility, but sometimes when you just take a breather, you end up being more productive and creative. People who take frequent breaks between stressful tasks and try different things than the “norm,” actually achieve their goal and come out successfully, much easier than those who don’t.

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So laugh a little. When things get stressful, it always helps to laugh a little. If you can’t figure out how to laugh then and there, do something stupid or simple, something that’ll knock the frustration right out of you, and laugh a little.

Sometimes, the easiest way to laugh is embarrass yourself.

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Show a little humility. Dance in public. Be a little light-heartedly sarcastic. Hit up a park and run towards the swings like you’re 5 again (I can honestly say I’ve done this more than enough times)…

…and watch the stress fade.

Laugh a little.

It’ll keep you on the right track…

…and as always…

Stay awesome 😉

– Rego

Musings Episode 34: Laugh a Little… is a post from Rego’s Life

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