Musings Episode 89: Convince No One…

Sappy Sunday.

Happy.*

Happy Sunday.

Happy and Sappy Sunday?

I don’t know/care…let’s just start.

Musings Episode 89: Convince No One…

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Well….last week was exhausting.

I generally grow tired and exhausted when I’m required to engage in social contact that involves…people I don’t want to engage in social contact with.

So…when this happens, it feels like a battery that’s being drained and in desperate need of a recharge – I’m that battery.

There are also times when this happens that it feels like a battery that’s going to overload and explode – I am also that battery.

On both occasions, generally one of the exchanges that count as exhausting are whenever I’m talking to some egotistical slack-jawed junkslut – mostly in business.

Personal-life wise, I do a pretty good job of avoiding those types all together.

…and by “those types” I just mean someone up their own ass.

If you read my previous posts on ego and competition, there are a plethora of bad eggs like this in today’s time.

I’ve always been on the side of the argument that narcissism and egoism aren’t the same, and that in a world of this or that, narcissism is better than being insecure any day.

Largely because of the fact that when insecure people talk, in my experience many of them always seem to need convincing.

Convincing that they’re doing a good job.

Convincing that they’re loved.

Convincing that they’re a wonderful person.

Convincing that life doesn’t suck half as bad as they think it does.

Convincing that their friends really like them.

Convincing that their grandma (who’s been dead for like a millennium) really did love them.

They need convincing no matter how many times you may try to lift them up.

Don’t get me wrong – there’s nothing wrong with a little reassurance – but there’s a fine line.

With convincing, approval likes to tag along.

That is to say, insecurity often brings along the habit of a person doing things to seek approval.

Being a “people pleaser”.

Narcissists on the other hand, are interesting in the sense that they already tell themselves everyone loves them, they’re the best thing since sliced bread, and everything they do is like the first time something really useful was invented for human kind.

Like the lightbulb.

Or condoms.

They also obsess over being the best…which in turn, often makes them push themselves to be the best.

There are narcissist that are really just insecure people masquerading as narcissist (like Trump), I think, but that’s another story for another time.

So what am I getting at here…right – convincing.

Yeah, stop doing that shit.

It’s your life.

Stop bending over backwards to try to prove yourself if you already know you’ve made something decent or are making something decent of yourself when it comes to personal development.

Oddly, in several relationships across the board it seems like people need to be convinced more and more about different things.

Are people growing more insecure?

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Take business for instance. Remember the good old days where you just swung by a company, maybe sweet talked the receptionist into getting you a spot to see the boss, or walked in regularly and asked to see the person in charge because you saw an ad in the paper?

You put in your CV/resumé, you either got seen the next day, or same day, had an informal chat, and before you knew it you were hired?

There were no 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, interviews plus one drink-the-blood-of-a-goat final 5th ritual interview, just because they needed to cross-examine to make sure they were convinced enough to hire you.

There was no portfolio you had to present, no vague requests to “prove a track record of success” without actually specifying exactly what they’re looking for.

A guy looked at your CV, had a chat with you to see if what was on your CV wasn’t bullshit, and went with his gut.

There was an unsaid trust.

This amazingly managed to do just as good of a job as what recruiters are “trained” to do (but fail ever so miserably at) when it comes to ensuring people were hired based off of their talent or skills they could bring to a company, rather than nepotism or particularism.

Or for another example, take romantic relationships.

Remember when you could just walk up to someone, apologize for interrupting, and compliment them on something you really liked about them physically?

Or maybe you’d just be in the bookstore and strike up a conversation about a book you see someone considering buying and you’ve bought it before so hey great, conversation starter.

There’d either be a positive or negative reaction, you’d maybe swap numbers (home numbers, no mobile phones then), eventually go on dates, etc.

Once you were in the relationship, texting day-to-day wasn’t necessary nor was it possible.

The person just trusted that you liked them and them only, and when you both did call to meet up again, you valued it more.

You never really had to convince one another you were into each other, because each time you both met it was like meeting each other all over again – all due to a build up of the feeling of missing one another and looking forward to seeing each other.

Friendships are the same way. I could go on and on and on but I think you’re smart enough to draw up your own examples.

Along with a culture of busyness, of victim mentality, it seems like there’s a culture of a need to be convinced, which perpetuates a cycle of a need to prove, a desire for approval.

Nobody really says “prove it to me”.

Alright so maybe some business people do, but nobody really says prove it.

What are you, 5?

They won’t ever really say it because they don’t want to sound 5.

But actions speak loud enough to send the message without words ever having to leave the mouth.

I’m very much action oriented…so maybe this irritates me more than others.

But frankly, I don’t believe in people’s words.

Ironic, right?

A writer, who writes, and writes, and writes – but doesn’t believe other people’s words.

Well, maybe it’s a little more nuanced than that.

I believe people’s words, but I watch their actions.

I don’t believe in proving, don’t believe in convincing, and don’t seek approval.

I’ll take someone’s word, trust and expect them to do the action, and leave them to it.

If they don’t I don’t really care, because I don’t attach much weight to their words first time around.

I do believe that actions speak a lot louder than words, when carried out.

Largely because of the fact that as the desire from people, of people to prove themselves, to convince other people that they are what they are, can do what they can do, feel how they feel, and need what they need, increases…it only perpetuates the issue of words becoming devoid, meaningless – lip service.

Saying whatever it is someone wants to hear makes words’ value drop to absolute zero.

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Photo by MILKOVÍ on Unsplash

Saying whatever it is someone wants to hear increases the need for actual proof through actions to be carried out.

In people wanting others to convince them, to prove to them, whatever it is that they want proof or convincing of, it makes it harder to separate the real from the pleaser.

The true from the false.

The raw from the sugar-coated.

Which creates the theory that if people realized the weight of their words, the value of their words, they wouldn’t use them so superfluously.

They wouldn’t just spit off at the mouth.

They would think before speaking…and this would quite possibly restore value to words used.

Trust ties in with this. When a person constantly needs convincing or proof, they lack trust.

You can’t cure that.

You can’t make someone trust you.

It just has to happen.

So if you can’t make someone trust you, and they’re not willing to let themselves trust you, you can’t really convince them either.

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Photo by Simon Shim on Unsplash

If you’re someone who doesn’t seek approval, this can be pretty frustrating.

So here’s the simple solution to at least clear your head.

Just say it.

Say it to the insecure types, the untrustworthy types of people you may encounter in life.

“I’m not going to convince you.”

But only say it on the basis your words carry fucking weight.

Two things can happen.

They either will disengage in conversation with you, and that’s that, or they’ll realize your lack of attempting to use a silver tongue means there is truth in what you speak.

Stop pandering to insecure people.

Catering to such a frame of mind will inevitably snowball into our downfall as human beings.

Think about it.

Stay cool…

– Rego

Improve Your Lifestyle. Improve Yourself. This is Life. This is Rego’s Life.™

Musings Episode 89: Convince No One… is a post from and appeared first on Rego’s Life

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Musings Episode 81: Consistency…

Hope everyone’s week is off to a good start. Lately I’ve been working towards adding some new daily habits into my life, and that made me think about how important consistency is when trying out something new that you want to get yourself used to doing on a, well, consistent basis.

Then I thought about this post. Let’s get started.

Musings Episode 81: Consistency…

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So the topic of consistency has been bouncing around in my head a lot since the last musing. I’m a big fan of the website T-Nation, and while other people may bash them about their supplement prices, they don’t force you to buy them (so shuddup), and they’ve got some damn fine reading material.

One particular article talked about progress in workouts, and how the key lies in consistency. It takes about 21 days of daily, consistent completion of a workout, for the brain to “programme” itself into forming a habit – 21 days – the same amount of time it takes for you to visibly see progress with your physique when you workout and eat right.

The key is also in the timing – doing it at roughly the same time everyday…the same way you would with waking up, eating, or going to bed.

But this whole 21 day concept doesn’t just stop at working out, it applies to all aspects of life.

I remember a year or so back I wanted to improve different aspects of my memory – so I tried memory games for 21 days. While the first week was a bit of a struggle (making myself sit down and take out the time just sit still and do something which seemed so simple), after three weeks I had a noticeable difference in memory improvement (and I already had a sharp mind before that, mind you).

Consistency is one ingredient of several that make up the whole recipe of moving in the direction that you want.

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Like I mentioned in my last episodic musing, there are a range of other ingredients involved – standards, drive, quality relationships, comfort zones – that you have to take into account when planning and executing whatever it is you want to accomplish.

But in order to get the recipe’s results right, you’ve got to make sure you add in consistency bit by bit – it’s got to be part of each phase of the process.

You can have high standards, have the drive to achieve those standards, take your confidence from your comfort zone and help yourself get ready to progress towards something better, but if you don’t stay consistent – a milestone that you may want to achieve in a year, a month, a week – can easily turn into 3 years, 3 months, 3 weeks.

It’s like learning a language – there are language courses out there that you can learn fluency in any given language to an intermediate level in 2-3 weeks; considering it takes about 1000 words to reach fluency, in theory this doesn’t sound all too difficult – and it isn’t.

If you studied everyday, for 3 weeks, you could reach this.

But if you studied on and off, took a day off here, another one there, and maybe only ended up studying once or twice a week, it’d take you significantly longer. You may even have to revise the stuff you learnt the week prior just because you’re not using it on a frequent enough basis to retain it.

This is why consistency is so important.

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It’s what makes all the difference in your workouts, your diet, your education, your work, your business, everything.

Without consistency, while you may get things done eventually, you won’t necessairily get them done in the time that you want, or need.

You’ve also gotta factor in other people – which is why quality relationships are important – when thinking about accomplishing what you want to get done.

You can have the drive, the standards, the consistency – but you’ve got to be around and connect with people who won’t throw a wrench in the gears, so to speak.

If what you’re trying to accomplish involves cooperation with other people, you’ve got to make sure you’re working with cooperative people.

People who think that there’s not enough to go around, that you’re competition, that you may end up acquiring more than them (not that it would matter – we’ve all got our own path), cane be the absolute bane of consistency if they are a critical component in helping you move things forward.

You’ve gotta be around good people.

It’s amazing how there are a lot of factors involved here – a lot of little factors that make up the big picture.

Standards, drive, comfort zones, discipline, competition, cooperation, consistency – you could master one but one single factor wouldn’t be the only thing to pull you through, to get things done.

You’ve got to work at each one individually, bit by bit.

I know sometimes that can seem pretty annoying or cumbersome – but it’s about maintaining a balance.

The same way it’s wise for a person to avoid muscle imbalances by making sure they train all their muscles week to week, the same way it’s wise to maintain a balance approach when it comes to accomplishing what you’ve set out to do.

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You’ve got to work on each factor individually, bit by bit.

But most importantly, you’ve got to remember that consistency is what keeps it all together.

It’s what turns those incrimental, small pieces of the puzzle, into the big picture.

Consistency is crucial.

Consistency is key.

As always…

Stay awesome.

– Rego

Improve Your Lifestyle. Improve Yourself. This is Life. This is Rego’s Life.™

Musings Episode 81: Consistency… is a post from and appeared first on Rego’s Life

Musings Episode 74: Do You Deserve It…?

So I’m hoping everyone had an epic weekend. There are some thoughts that have been bouncing around in my head since the last episodic musing, in particular thoughts that revolve around what people define as being deserving of things.

You look on social media, and you listen to conversationswatch movies, listen to lyrics in songs…and I’ve realised something’s popping up more and more that I don’t entirely agree with. Alright here goes…

Musings Episode 74: Do You Deserve It?

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It seems that people are starting to think it’s alright to gauge and dictate to other people whether they deserve something or not.

Now I mentioned in the previous episodic musing that when it comes to free will, no one has the right to really dictate to anyone what they should get out of life – Epictetus made this clear, and to paraphrase him once more, attempting to control or dictate another person’s free will takes tremendous effort as it goes against the natural law of things; things which are in our control, and things which are out of our control.

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As a side note, if you haven’t read Epictectus’ “Enchiridion” – it’s basically a summarised version, a “manual” of his teaching of Stoicism – I highly recommend you pick it up from Amazon.

Seriously it cost less than coffee if you get the Dover Thrift Edition. Buy it.

Getting back to the subject, I saw something interesting the other day on Instagram. I didn’t screenshot it as it made me so disgusted it wasn’t worth a save in my phone, but ironically it pissed me off so bad I remember it clearly; so I’ll tell you what is said.

“Those who think they deserve it the most, usually don’t.”

…..Seriously?

What’s interesting is I’ve heard this once or twice in some songs I’ve stumbled across when discovering new music, and group conversations I’ve been involved in in the past.

And I wholeheartedly disagree with this.

Fair enough, there are some people who don’t put in any work for something they want; and there are people who are given everything they want without putting in any work, ergo feeling they deserve whatever they want.

But there are also those out there who bust their ass everyday – for months, years – grinding and meet rejection after rejection and know they deserve what they want.

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And when I see people who state that people who think they deserve something don’t, it really gets under my skin, because when you think about it…it’s not a bold statement – it’s assumptive and asinine, a dash of ignorance, and just a sprinkle of arrogant.

When you take your attention away from mainstream – mainstream TV, movies, music, books, websites, everything…you begin to think about things differently…and when you think about it successful mainstream people don’t really elaborate on what their way up was like – not in a raw, real feel sense.

I’ve been listening to some less well-known music artists on YouTube lately when I get a chance and I’ve gotta say, some of their lyrics hit me like a brick wall.

They don’t talk about women, drugs, cars, sex, pumped up violence, all the regular bunk you hear on mainstream artists’ songs; but they talk about real things no one else wants to really discuss – things other artists probably know won’t sell as well:

Witt Lowry – The Ride

Ollie – Product

Witt Lowry – Dreaming With Our Eyes Open

And listening to the lyrics makes you realise, that the only person who has a right to ask you if you deserve it – if you deserve what you want – is you.

If you’re out there making the effort, changing your game plan when some things don’t work, learning new stuff to make other things work, and not losing sight of what it is you want – if what you want has substance – no one has a right to tell you that if you think you deserve it the most, you probably don’t.

That’s just bull.

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And anyone who has the audacity to make such a statement in my opinion is somebody who is consciously making an incompetent statement, has never even entertained the thought about considering what it’s like to walk in someone’s shoes, or simply thinks there’s not enough caviar to go around.

Having the gall enough to even make that statement, shows that someone is already spoilt rotten with a complete disregard for humanity.

Because there are three main paths that people who go after what they want and think they deserve end up taking:

The path of attaining what they deserve.
The path of settling for less than what they deserve (read: the path of becoming complacent).
The path of giving up on the FEELING of deserving what they’ve put effort into attaining (read: the path of becoming insecure).

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At the end of the day it’s YOU who knows what efforts your putting in. It’s YOU who knows how much time you’ve put into going after your milestones. It’s YOU who knows what you’ve been through, what you’re going through, and where you want to go.

Don’t let anyone ever dictate that to you.

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Because this deserves reiteration.

This is for the millennials, the 90s and the 80s kids.

You may not have the job security, the house, the car, the holidays, the balanced salary to living expense ratio, the opportunities your parents had when they were younger, you may not have all of that JUST YET

…and it may seem a little harder to acquire those things in today’s time…

…and well shit, it is, with the way multinationals are making application processes for people increasingly unnecessarily long and complex…

…bending people over and trying to get them to take it up the @ss with no lube, by offering far-less-than square deals…

….essentially looking at humans as actual resources, rather than people.

Funny thing is while others are trying to dictate to you whether or not you deserve something, if we stripped away modern civilisation and tried our hand at something like growing a garden, there is a higher and near concrete chance nature itself would effortlessly allow us to reap the harvest of the effort we put in, compared to some people these days.

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Notice how the term “personnel department” changed to “human resources”? Yeah. Worse thing to ever happen…

…but one thing you do have is willpower, and the right to believe in yourself.

If you’re putting in the effort; getting those top grades in university; doing the daily grind as entrepreneur; or making an effort to make your salary work for you, for something you want that’s bigger than you, bigger than the life you have now; no one but YOU, has the right to ask…

“Do you deserve it?”

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Hope everyone has a great week, and don’t forget to check back for Quote Wednesdays.

As always…

Stay awesome.

– Rego

Improve Your Lifestyle. Improve Yourself. This is Life. This is Rego’s Life.™

Musings Episode 74: Do You Deserve It…? is a post from and appeared first on Rego’s Life

Musings Episode 60: Cognitive Empathy…

It’s been a pretty rough day for me. Last week I was wavering on this week’s episodic musing, whether or not it’d be too negative or if I should keep things light – but I think it’s best to go ahead as planned and write what I really wanna write about.

Empathy. It’s something that’s made up of many factors – but it’s also something that’s commonly misunderstood in the sense of its own meaning.

I wanna write about that…raw, unedited. Just pure, straight forward thoughts.

Musings Episode 60: Cognitive Empathy

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Empathy is one of those things that people usually peg up against sympathy, trying to figure out where the dividing line or clear cut differences are.

It’s one of those things people don’t really exercise, unless they’re consciously aware – both of themselves and their fellow man.

It’s one of those things that has a lot to do with cooperation.

There’s two major types of empathy – emotional and cognitive. While the latter is pretty cut and dry – being able to emotionally understand where a person is coming from – the latter not many people know how to exercise.

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Emotion is easy – it’s something that can change like the ocean’s tide. It’s where the fight or flight mechanism kicks in, and where people can cry when they hear something that pulls at their heart strings.

But cognitive behaviour – when applied to empathy – is a whole different ball game. Cognitive empathy, is when a person actively takes the steps to imagine themselves in the confiding person’s EXACT situation. Not just imagine casually either – but to the point where they actually FEEL that person’s feelings, and understand that person’s thought process.

It’s a task within itself – but only if one isn’t used to doing it.

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I’m a relatively serious person. Easy to get along with. Straight shooter. Don’t take bullshit.

A lot of people say I don’t always smile enough – but that’s okay…because at least when I DO smile at someone, they know it’s genuine.

Now although I may look serious – I’ve got a pretty big heart – that I keep behind a pretty big door. You’ve gotta knock to be let in.

But one thing I have learned, is understanding people.

Understanding situations – looking at both sides of the story.

One thing I HAVE learned is that empathy, is both directly and intricately linked with compassion.

Compassion and empathy are two different things – but compassion can’t really be exercised without empathy, first.

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The main difference between empathy and compassion is, in empathy while someone puts themselves into the frame of mind emotionally and imaginatively, COMPASSION is what makes them actively seek helping the other person to find a solution, even if it means being a part of that solution.

Empathy is the beginning of relating to another human being.

Empathy is the beginning of taking the time out to sit down and listen to your fellow man.

Empathy is the beginning of UNDERSTANDING, your fellow man.

Compassion is what humanity must learn – and the focal point, the true starting point to understanding how to exercise compassion? Will be explained in tomorrow’s Make it Mondays post…

Hope everyone’s had a great weekend.

As always…

Stay awesome.

– Rego

Improve Your Lifestyle. Improve Yourself. This is Life. This is Rego’s Life.™

Musings Episode 60: Cognitive Empathy… is a post from and appeared first on Rego’s Life

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