Musings Episode 89: Convince No One…

Sappy Sunday.

Happy.*

Happy Sunday.

Happy and Sappy Sunday?

I don’t know/care…let’s just start.

Musings Episode 89: Convince No One…

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Well….last week was exhausting.

I generally grow tired and exhausted when I’m required to engage in social contact that involves…people I don’t want to engage in social contact with.

So…when this happens, it feels like a battery that’s being drained and in desperate need of a recharge – I’m that battery.

There are also times when this happens that it feels like a battery that’s going to overload and explode – I am also that battery.

On both occasions, generally one of the exchanges that count as exhausting are whenever I’m talking to some egotistical slack-jawed junkslut – mostly in business.

Personal-life wise, I do a pretty good job of avoiding those types all together.

…and by “those types” I just mean someone up their own ass.

If you read my previous posts on ego and competition, there are a plethora of bad eggs like this in today’s time.

I’ve always been on the side of the argument that narcissism and egoism aren’t the same, and that in a world of this or that, narcissism is better than being insecure any day.

Largely because of the fact that when insecure people talk, in my experience many of them always seem to need convincing.

Convincing that they’re doing a good job.

Convincing that they’re loved.

Convincing that they’re a wonderful person.

Convincing that life doesn’t suck half as bad as they think it does.

Convincing that their friends really like them.

Convincing that their grandma (who’s been dead for like a millennium) really did love them.

They need convincing no matter how many times you may try to lift them up.

Don’t get me wrong – there’s nothing wrong with a little reassurance – but there’s a fine line.

With convincing, approval likes to tag along.

That is to say, insecurity often brings along the habit of a person doing things to seek approval.

Being a “people pleaser”.

Narcissists on the other hand, are interesting in the sense that they already tell themselves everyone loves them, they’re the best thing since sliced bread, and everything they do is like the first time something really useful was invented for human kind.

Like the lightbulb.

Or condoms.

They also obsess over being the best…which in turn, often makes them push themselves to be the best.

There are narcissist that are really just insecure people masquerading as narcissist (like Trump), I think, but that’s another story for another time.

So what am I getting at here…right – convincing.

Yeah, stop doing that shit.

It’s your life.

Stop bending over backwards to try to prove yourself if you already know you’ve made something decent or are making something decent of yourself when it comes to personal development.

Oddly, in several relationships across the board it seems like people need to be convinced more and more about different things.

Are people growing more insecure?

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Take business for instance. Remember the good old days where you just swung by a company, maybe sweet talked the receptionist into getting you a spot to see the boss, or walked in regularly and asked to see the person in charge because you saw an ad in the paper?

You put in your CV/resumé, you either got seen the next day, or same day, had an informal chat, and before you knew it you were hired?

There were no 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, interviews plus one drink-the-blood-of-a-goat final 5th ritual interview, just because they needed to cross-examine to make sure they were convinced enough to hire you.

There was no portfolio you had to present, no vague requests to “prove a track record of success” without actually specifying exactly what they’re looking for.

A guy looked at your CV, had a chat with you to see if what was on your CV wasn’t bullshit, and went with his gut.

There was an unsaid trust.

This amazingly managed to do just as good of a job as what recruiters are “trained” to do (but fail ever so miserably at) when it comes to ensuring people were hired based off of their talent or skills they could bring to a company, rather than nepotism or particularism.

Or for another example, take romantic relationships.

Remember when you could just walk up to someone, apologize for interrupting, and compliment them on something you really liked about them physically?

Or maybe you’d just be in the bookstore and strike up a conversation about a book you see someone considering buying and you’ve bought it before so hey great, conversation starter.

There’d either be a positive or negative reaction, you’d maybe swap numbers (home numbers, no mobile phones then), eventually go on dates, etc.

Once you were in the relationship, texting day-to-day wasn’t necessary nor was it possible.

The person just trusted that you liked them and them only, and when you both did call to meet up again, you valued it more.

You never really had to convince one another you were into each other, because each time you both met it was like meeting each other all over again – all due to a build up of the feeling of missing one another and looking forward to seeing each other.

Friendships are the same way. I could go on and on and on but I think you’re smart enough to draw up your own examples.

Along with a culture of busyness, of victim mentality, it seems like there’s a culture of a need to be convinced, which perpetuates a cycle of a need to prove, a desire for approval.

Nobody really says “prove it to me”.

Alright so maybe some business people do, but nobody really says prove it.

What are you, 5?

They won’t ever really say it because they don’t want to sound 5.

But actions speak loud enough to send the message without words ever having to leave the mouth.

I’m very much action oriented…so maybe this irritates me more than others.

But frankly, I don’t believe in people’s words.

Ironic, right?

A writer, who writes, and writes, and writes – but doesn’t believe other people’s words.

Well, maybe it’s a little more nuanced than that.

I believe people’s words, but I watch their actions.

I don’t believe in proving, don’t believe in convincing, and don’t seek approval.

I’ll take someone’s word, trust and expect them to do the action, and leave them to it.

If they don’t I don’t really care, because I don’t attach much weight to their words first time around.

I do believe that actions speak a lot louder than words, when carried out.

Largely because of the fact that as the desire from people, of people to prove themselves, to convince other people that they are what they are, can do what they can do, feel how they feel, and need what they need, increases…it only perpetuates the issue of words becoming devoid, meaningless – lip service.

Saying whatever it is someone wants to hear makes words’ value drop to absolute zero.

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Photo by MILKOVÍ on Unsplash

Saying whatever it is someone wants to hear increases the need for actual proof through actions to be carried out.

In people wanting others to convince them, to prove to them, whatever it is that they want proof or convincing of, it makes it harder to separate the real from the pleaser.

The true from the false.

The raw from the sugar-coated.

Which creates the theory that if people realized the weight of their words, the value of their words, they wouldn’t use them so superfluously.

They wouldn’t just spit off at the mouth.

They would think before speaking…and this would quite possibly restore value to words used.

Trust ties in with this. When a person constantly needs convincing or proof, they lack trust.

You can’t cure that.

You can’t make someone trust you.

It just has to happen.

So if you can’t make someone trust you, and they’re not willing to let themselves trust you, you can’t really convince them either.

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Photo by Simon Shim on Unsplash

If you’re someone who doesn’t seek approval, this can be pretty frustrating.

So here’s the simple solution to at least clear your head.

Just say it.

Say it to the insecure types, the untrustworthy types of people you may encounter in life.

“I’m not going to convince you.”

But only say it on the basis your words carry fucking weight.

Two things can happen.

They either will disengage in conversation with you, and that’s that, or they’ll realize your lack of attempting to use a silver tongue means there is truth in what you speak.

Stop pandering to insecure people.

Catering to such a frame of mind will inevitably snowball into our downfall as human beings.

Think about it.

Stay cool…

– Rego

Improve Your Lifestyle. Improve Yourself. This is Life. This is Rego’s Life.™

Musings Episode 89: Convince No One… is a post from and appeared first on Rego’s Life

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Musings Episode 81: Consistency…

Hope everyone’s week is off to a good start. Lately I’ve been working towards adding some new daily habits into my life, and that made me think about how important consistency is when trying out something new that you want to get yourself used to doing on a, well, consistent basis.

Then I thought about this post. Let’s get started.

Musings Episode 81: Consistency…

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So the topic of consistency has been bouncing around in my head a lot since the last musing. I’m a big fan of the website T-Nation, and while other people may bash them about their supplement prices, they don’t force you to buy them (so shuddup), and they’ve got some damn fine reading material.

One particular article talked about progress in workouts, and how the key lies in consistency. It takes about 21 days of daily, consistent completion of a workout, for the brain to “programme” itself into forming a habit – 21 days – the same amount of time it takes for you to visibly see progress with your physique when you workout and eat right.

The key is also in the timing – doing it at roughly the same time everyday…the same way you would with waking up, eating, or going to bed.

But this whole 21 day concept doesn’t just stop at working out, it applies to all aspects of life.

I remember a year or so back I wanted to improve different aspects of my memory – so I tried memory games for 21 days. While the first week was a bit of a struggle (making myself sit down and take out the time just sit still and do something which seemed so simple), after three weeks I had a noticeable difference in memory improvement (and I already had a sharp mind before that, mind you).

Consistency is one ingredient of several that make up the whole recipe of moving in the direction that you want.

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Like I mentioned in my last episodic musing, there are a range of other ingredients involved – standards, drive, quality relationships, comfort zones – that you have to take into account when planning and executing whatever it is you want to accomplish.

But in order to get the recipe’s results right, you’ve got to make sure you add in consistency bit by bit – it’s got to be part of each phase of the process.

You can have high standards, have the drive to achieve those standards, take your confidence from your comfort zone and help yourself get ready to progress towards something better, but if you don’t stay consistent – a milestone that you may want to achieve in a year, a month, a week – can easily turn into 3 years, 3 months, 3 weeks.

It’s like learning a language – there are language courses out there that you can learn fluency in any given language to an intermediate level in 2-3 weeks; considering it takes about 1000 words to reach fluency, in theory this doesn’t sound all too difficult – and it isn’t.

If you studied everyday, for 3 weeks, you could reach this.

But if you studied on and off, took a day off here, another one there, and maybe only ended up studying once or twice a week, it’d take you significantly longer. You may even have to revise the stuff you learnt the week prior just because you’re not using it on a frequent enough basis to retain it.

This is why consistency is so important.

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It’s what makes all the difference in your workouts, your diet, your education, your work, your business, everything.

Without consistency, while you may get things done eventually, you won’t necessairily get them done in the time that you want, or need.

You’ve also gotta factor in other people – which is why quality relationships are important – when thinking about accomplishing what you want to get done.

You can have the drive, the standards, the consistency – but you’ve got to be around and connect with people who won’t throw a wrench in the gears, so to speak.

If what you’re trying to accomplish involves cooperation with other people, you’ve got to make sure you’re working with cooperative people.

People who think that there’s not enough to go around, that you’re competition, that you may end up acquiring more than them (not that it would matter – we’ve all got our own path), cane be the absolute bane of consistency if they are a critical component in helping you move things forward.

You’ve gotta be around good people.

It’s amazing how there are a lot of factors involved here – a lot of little factors that make up the big picture.

Standards, drive, comfort zones, discipline, competition, cooperation, consistency – you could master one but one single factor wouldn’t be the only thing to pull you through, to get things done.

You’ve got to work at each one individually, bit by bit.

I know sometimes that can seem pretty annoying or cumbersome – but it’s about maintaining a balance.

The same way it’s wise for a person to avoid muscle imbalances by making sure they train all their muscles week to week, the same way it’s wise to maintain a balance approach when it comes to accomplishing what you’ve set out to do.

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You’ve got to work on each factor individually, bit by bit.

But most importantly, you’ve got to remember that consistency is what keeps it all together.

It’s what turns those incrimental, small pieces of the puzzle, into the big picture.

Consistency is crucial.

Consistency is key.

As always…

Stay awesome.

– Rego

Improve Your Lifestyle. Improve Yourself. This is Life. This is Rego’s Life.™

Musings Episode 81: Consistency… is a post from and appeared first on Rego’s Life