Musings Episode 55: Trust…

Super low key this weekend was. Met up with a good friend and was brushing up on some literature from Jeffrey Gitomer and had this brilliant idea to write about trust.

Trust is an interesting thing – so interesting there are books written on it. I’ve got my own points about it as well – so sit back and enjoy the read.

Musings Episode 55: Trust…

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Trust is a tricky thing. It ties in with more aspects of life than some may stop to think and realize. Trust is one of those things that can be broken in an instant, take years to create…and decades to repair.

Often people have trouble trusting those they’ve never met.

…but what about trusting people who are your own bloodline?

This is where going with your gut, or really being in touch with your “higher self” comes into play. Trust takes thought, consideration, and the ability to go against the grain of the societal norm and get in touch with your own humanity.

It’s about not always looking out for your own arse.

These days the world we live in can be so pessimistic when a person does come across someone who’s genuinely kind, or genuine in general really, it’s either mistaken for flirting or as if that person has an “angle.”

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A friend of mine grew up as an orphan, and we often discuss things like trust, and what it was like for him not knowing that when it came to family. It was as if it was foreign to him.

So many people these days take their own family for granted and don’t realize just how much having a support system is key to human survival.

Before all the modern technology and medicine, people had shorter life expectancies – meaning they were literally forced to appreciate an array of things in life many don’t think twice about nowadays.

It’s not so much dependence human beings need, but interdependence – and that’s a whole different ball game.

Both dependence and interdependence can really only be carried out if a person has someone they can TRUST – independence is in a different field, where really it just comes down to relying on yourself.

My friend having previously been in the military said that while being an orphan did indeed teach him a tremendous amount of independence, it was incredibly difficult, but somehow strangely comforting taking up a profession where some type of interdependence isn’t just optional, but MANDATORY for survival.

We both were sat down over coffee this weekend while he was telling me this…and all at once I could see a mix of emotions flowing across his face. Pain. Comfort. Happiness. Contemplation.

Then while taking a sip he sentimentally mentioned that he loved that feeling. That feeling of interdependence. Because really, it didn’t matter if his own bloodline didn’t want him – yes, it was bitter, at first, painful, heart-wrenching…

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…but he’s the type of guy that understands you can’t wallow in that shit.

You can’t wallow in the fact that the very same people that are supposed to trust you, know you, and understand you, are those who probably do less of that than the stranger on the street, or the guy who stays in the same barracks as you.

This is the spin on trust many people don’t even consider in their day to day lives…and you know, stuff like this compels me to write on it, pay attention to it, and pay attention to people more.

That’s what trust is – paying attention.

It’s about going with your gut – not your head.

It’s about listening to that bit of intuition that pops up in the still of night – not the 10 people who’ve sourced information all from heresay.

It’s about exercising humanity.

It’s about understanding your fellow man.

It’s about touching the human heart.

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Because when you trust someone – you’re saying you believe in them. When you believe in them – you touch their heart.

…and believing in someone is one of the few, but fundamental things needed in today’s world.

Trust yourself, and you can trust others.

Believe in yourself, and you can believe in others…and get others to believe in you.

Pay attention to those around you, and don’t for a second take anyone, or anything for granted.

Because at some point in life, no matter how smooth the sail is, you’re gonna want someone to believe in you. To trust in you.

Show some humanity – even if you get bitten once in a while.

Better to be bitten for doing something decent, than going through life with blinders on your eyes – because with those blinders, although you avoid seeing all the messy stuff – you also miss out on seeing a lot of the really beautiful things, too.

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Dino, this post is dedicated to you. Stay just the way your are brother. You’re worth your weight in gold compared to any church goer, humanitarian, or Nobel Peace Prize winner.

As always…

Stay awesome.

– Rego

Improve Your Lifestlyle. Improve Yourself. This is Life. This is Rego’s Life.™

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Musings Episode 14: Friends for Friends….or Friends for Money….?

So  my friends and I were all sitting around this weekend by the pool, and remembering exactly how each and every one of us first met. Some at coffee shops or events, others through other friends…and it kind of bled into the topic about how exactly people acquire friends as they age.

friends-fingers

Obviously by getting out there more and having more experiences, from travel to dance classes, yachting to hanging out at a decent lounge bar, you make friends one way or the other. Well really, acquaintances when you think about it – then there’s a filtration process. My buddies and I discussed that as well and that’s probably the most frustrating part.

Most of my friends run in the same circle – and by circle I mean way of thinking. Entrepreneurial, driven, independent, forward thinking. We all work, and play hard – well, maybe play a bit harder than we work 😉 after all the motto is work smart, not hard.

enjoy-your-success

What exactly do I mean by filtering? Well, I’m not trying to go on a rant here, while picking up acquaintances is easy, it’s finding genuine friends that requires a bit of skill. You’ve all heard it at some point before – in movies, general conversation, through music. While being successful is great, sometimes it’s an absolute drag when people get to know you better.

Think of it like this – you happen to meet someone – in public, at the grocery store, through a social event, maybe shooting pool or going bowling, joining a fencing class in your area or hitting up a dojo because you’ve been wanting to try out Aikido for months now. You two exchange a few words, hit it off really well, get each other’s contact info. You invite them out, either with other friends or maybe to party it up somewhere, maybe go for some hookah.

Somewhere nice. Hookah's always better when it's someplace nice.

Somewhere nice. Hookah’s always better when it’s someplace nice.

Turns out you guys have a lot in common – both into sports, both into great music, both into travel and open to other cultures. It’s great – ever had those kind of conversations where it’s not forced and it just flows really well? Yeah – those are awesome. So you talk, talk, talk the night away. Bond with some hookah, bond with some drinks, hell, you may even become wing men/women and hit on people together.

Things seem great – until something happens. It could be the first time, could be the second, third even. Bottom line is – it happens…

…and usually, it leaves you with that sick, churning kind of feeling in your stomach. The “oh no…not again” type.

The bill comes, and they ask if you can cover some of their portion for it.

Or the bill comes, and they say ask if you can spot them this time because you’re “good for it.”

Or…my favorite, because it’s just so damn funny – the opposite (or same, for some) sex, says that you’re good for it, and while they may not have enough cash – they have something else for you afterwards if you do front their half of the bill. Then just kind of…nudge or press into you and wink.

After all....sex sells. For some. I'll pass though, thanks.

After all….sex sells.
For some. I’ll pass though, thanks.

Now don’t get me wrong here – I love treating people. I love buying a bottle or two and passing it around the table. I love buying food for everyone or buying every other round of drinksHowever – when it’s expected that it should be done automatically, sheerly based off the fact someone is under the assumption you’re better off than them – even if they may be doing pretty damn well for themselves. This absolutely irks me.

My friend Luke (no, not the one from Star Wars) absolutely hates it as well.

Why?

Well, because honestly it kind of makes a person feel like they’re being used. Taken for. Taken advantage of. Sort of like if someone’s looking at you, and you look into their eyes, and instead of the reflection of yourself – you see dollar signs. Their eyes are lit up, bright and green, with paper.

As green as this girl's shirt.

Almost as green as this girl’s dress.

And again hey, don’t get me wrong, this doesn’t just happen with successful men – so fellas, before you go on a rant about how women are gold diggers, there are plenty of guys out there who seduce women for the thing humans so highly hold called money. Don’t believe me? Check out the movie Spread (2009).

…and this is where the filtration process kicks in.

My friends and I all have different tactics – one of them when inviting new people out, attempts to have the most boring outing of their life, just so they can see whether or not the person wants to be their friend because they want to hang out with them. Not their money. You’re probably asking why they’d go out and do something boring – well, think about it…

…you’re out and about, having a good time, at a live music venue, yadda yadda. Or maybe you’re both playing squash or out racing go karts. Naturally, a setting has been created, where you’re both having fun. This really eliminates the need for any form of meaningful conversation. The fun is there – the mind is focused on said fun. The engagement is already there.

indoor-go-kart-racing-at-houstons-Track-21-612x375

Prepare to get owned.

It’s like video games – or even better it’s like watching a movie – you don’t really engage with each other – you just watch the movie, and maybe share some brief thoughts about it afterwards. Which is why I’m really not a fan of suggesting those type of things in my dating life, for a first date. It’s an inefficient use of time, and an exit for pushing yourself to become a conversationalist.

My point is creating a boring atmosphere really accomplishes two things:

  1. It pulls people out of their shell and gets them to talk – instead of fiddling with their phone.
  2. It reveals whether a person wants to get to know you or your money.

So when you’re sitting there with nothing but a Dos Equis in one hand and the view of the beach across the street, you’ve gotta actually think about what to talk about. What questions to ask, topics to pick, etc, etc. The best part about this is – you can get a relatively clear reading on the person. Not doing an all too engaging activity gives you time to study body language, eye movement, facial expressions (which tell you a LOT, like if someone’s lying – if you pay attention), and much more.

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This is the best way to get to know a person…and besides, before all the technology, before all the awesome things that were created for having a great time graced human existence today, this is how we started out – through conversation. Literature was once the fuel that flamed this fire – reading about different things, educating ourselves, studying an atlas, breaking down and comprehending poetry, all that jazz….

…and by conversating with and reading people, often you’ll find you can read their thoughts. Their motives. Their intentions. Their hearts.

You can tell if they wanna get to know you, for you.

Not your bank account.

Stay smart…and you’ll stay happy.

– Rego

Musings Episode 14: Friends for Friends….or Friends for Money….? is a post from and appeared first on Rego’s Life