Musings Episode 32: Because Really, Life’s Just One Big Playground…

So this morning I got up an hour early because of my wrist watch and completely forgot it’s daylight savings time.

Instead of going back to bed, I decide to head out to the den and watch a movie – sorting through the stack I come across both a childhood and present day favorite – Big (1988). Oh man. It’s been ages.

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There’s one in particular scene towards the end of the film that really grabs my attention. Right when Josh is just getting accustomed to being an adult and Billy storms into his office:

Josh: Will you please leave? I got a deadline to meet. Gosh.
Billy: Who the fuck do you think you are ?
Josh: HEY!
Billy: You’re Josh Baskin, remember? You broke your arm on my roof! You hid in MY basement when Robert Dyson was about to rip your head off!
Josh: You don’t get it, do you? This is important!
Billy: I’m your best friend. What’s more important than that, huh?
[Turns to leave]
Billy: And I’m three months older than you are, ASSHOLE!

If any of you remember this scene, you can understand why Billy was angry. Not so much at Josh’s actions, but what he started to become. He lost touch – took his eye off the ball.

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In becoming an adult, Josh was also losing sight of what life is really all about. Really, when you think about it – this happens to a lot of people as they get older.

There’s nothing wrong with responsibility – absolutely not…but with that responsibility, sometimes you can forget about the other part of life – the stress free, have a laugh part of life.

I remember when I used to work in the Forex industry doing currency exchange – the team I was on knew how to party, but at the same time they could be some real cut throat bastards – you really come to know a man when you get some alcohol in ’em.

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Anyway – there was this one guy, who was practically like a brother from another mother – and pretty much the one person in the group who made the most sense when he talked, inebriated or not. If there was one piece of advice and wisdom he gave me that outweighed everything else he ever said, it was this:

Listen Rego – this business can make you crazy – the pressure, the timing, the politics, the stakes. This group, this team you’re on can make you crazy, too – they’re one group of shit talking bastards. But at the end of the day, for you and you only, you have to do one thing – the minute you step foot outside the office, the minute you make it home and close your front door:

This company, these guys, this market, doesn’t exist. The minute you’re home – the only thing that exists is the life you’re living, outside of this job – outside of making money. Don’t ever speak of work if you’re not in the building. Ever – separate work from home like it’s religion from politics.

This has stuck with me ever since I heard it more than 5 years ago, and it’s something I’ll never forget.

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What happens is, people get so caught up in their job, in their work, and not in a good way. If you have a business that you love, sure, that’s positive. But the minute your work starts to consume your life, your time, in a negative way, to the point you lose sight of the meaning in your life – it’s time you stop yourself, and re-evaluate. If you haven’t already, go ahead and subscribe here now, or at the bottom of this page to my official site, for a free download on how to improve your lifestyle.

What is Rego’s Life all about? Success. Freedom. Lifestyle. Fun. Travel. Fun. Laser focus. FUN. Adjusting your thinking. Getting to know yourself. Getting to know your desires. Never losing sight. Never getting caught up in the rat race. Realizing, and acknowledging what matters. Making it count.

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This is why Billy got pissed at Josh – he forgot about life – and who and what mattered.

Life’s just one big playground.

I’m a big kid at heart. If you met me in the street however – hell who knows what you’d think. Some people call me serious. Some people call me chill. I’ve even been called “suave” a handful of times (not to toot my own horn, of course). Then others call me funny – others borderline narcissistic…and you know that’s okay – I’m fine with that. But really, I’m just one big kid at heart.

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If you ever visited my place, in one room you’d see office stuff, some free weights, etc, etc. Then in another you’d see video games, snowboards/skateboards, marshmallow guns, footballs (Man Utd for the win), board games, etc, etc.

Life’s just one big playground…and a lot of times, people forget that the minute they grow up.

In my opinion, growing up isn’t just about age – fuck that. Growing up is based on life experiences, and how you choose to mold yourself after encountering said experiences. Me? I’ve learned to be selectively mature – selectively grown up.

I’ll be completely serious and mature about business, money, relationships, and responsibilities – but catch me outside of that setting and you’ll discover a completely different person – from taking extravagant trips abroad, to playing frisbee in a park, loyalty to friends and being reasonable and opinionated – I’ve come to learn life is all about doing what makes you happy – what makes life worth living.

That’s how you make your stamp on the world. Remembering the things that matter. Really thinking about your actions. Laser like focus.

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I understand completely this can vary from person to person, but the main thing here to understand is this – life isn’t about bills. It isn’t about climbing the corporate ladder. It’s not about getting that company car, or that corner office overlooking the lake. It’s about discovering yourself, discovering what makes you happy, and at the same time still holding onto and remembering that childhood optimism and fearlessness that is slowly extracted from us the more we conform to societal norms.

So here’s where I ask you the big three:

What is life about, to you?
What do you want out of life?
What makes life worth living?

Comment and share below…

…and of course, as always….

Stay Awesome.

– Rego

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Musings Episode 32: Because Really, Life’s Just One Big Playground… is a post from Rego’s Life

Musings Episode 31: Lost…

Over the past few days I’ve been feeling a little lost…

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More or less today, in fact. I get like this sometimes – these bouts of no direction.

Then again, everyone has a tendency to get like this.

It’s not a bad thing – in fact, it can be beneficial.

The lost feeling I usually have is a combination of various factors.

The bouts of no direction, when I think about them are akin to being out at sea.

It’s times like these I feel the need to head to the beach – go for a swim, and just go with the current.

Low tide, high tide.

Weak current, strong current.

Calm before the storm.

Chop and swells post rain.

I just go into the water, and let the ocean pull me either way it’s going.

The less you fight the water, the more freeing it is.

The less you fight the water, the more you become it.

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Respect the ocean, and she respects you.

Feel lost, and she’ll make you feel found again.

Diving into the swell with my eyes open and swimming underwater until I see fit to come up, that feeling of the water is like a warm embrace of a hug or blanket on a cold morning.

It calms me – it brings me back to my center. It reminds me that when I feel lost – I can always find myself again – if I just don’t resist – if I just go with it.

Alright….enough poetics. I wanna share with you guys the benefits of feeling lost sometimes – take what you read next and really study it – or as they so fondly used to say back at uni “do some critical thinking.” Within it, you may find answers…on finding yourself.

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So usually, times like these I have a tendency to “disappear.” When I was a kid (pre-teens through teens) – and still oftentimes present day – people defined me most often in two ways – ghost and slick. The former, well, as I said earlier because I have a tendency to just “disappear,” then pop back up when I’m good and ready. The latter – well, that’s another story. Apparently it has something to do with “good with words” and “charisma.”

Albeit my tendencies to disappear, instead I left the beach and hopped on my laptop, wanting to share with you guys (and ladies) some insight into this whole thing.

Feeling, and being lost can be good. As you learn to take the time and start discovering who you are, through mental training and quiet moments you have (or make) throughout the day – it’s a feeling that can become quite natural.

Many times it’s good to just go with it – let yourself wander, let yourself clear and filter your mind of mental chatter and stressful thoughts – allow yourself to zone out. Keep in mind, I’m not talking about waddling or dwelling in the negative. I’m talking about navigating through your mental highways like you would if you went for a long drive to clear your head.

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By the way – check out chromogenic.net for more great photos like this one.

This is explained a little further in the free eBook I offer over at my Official Site – go ahead and subscribe to get it, it’s something you don’t wanna pass up.

I’m saying if you feel like you have no direction some days – make the time to get lost in that feeling of no direction – and find your center. Do every and any activity that seems calming or de-stressing to you. The same way a husband can zone out his wife – do the same with any stressful thoughts you have…and just focus on you.

As you learn to execute this properly, the feeling of being lost can easily turn from cumbersome – to euphoric and blissful. Take full advantage of it – it’s your mind doing a mental “detox” – many just focus on physical detox – but with that comes both mental, and spiritual – spiritual as in energy. At some point, you’ve gotta do all 3.

Why get lost in being lost? Because – there’s so much benefit to it. It’s not something that can necessarily be explained outright, set in concrete, with an end all-be-all example – you just have to know it.

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The best way to explain it is this –

When you’re feeling lost and you finally embrace it – you’ll know you’ve embraced it, when at the very center of you – right above your solar plexus (which is slightly above your belly button) you feel calm…and at peace. You feel comfortable. Warm. Fuzzy. Relaxed. Ready to take charge – but ready to lounge. Ready to lunge – but ready to relax. Fired up – but steady and stable.

When you get to this point – you’re one step closer to discovering and unlocking your real self.

Maybe this post makes sense to you, maybe it doesn’t. Bottom line is, being lost, isn’t always a negative – but in fact an opportunity to find yourself. If there’s ever a time you’ve felt lost or aimless, comment below and let me know. I wanna know how you dealt with it, how it made you feel, and how you brought yourself back to feeling stabilized.

As always…

Stay awesome.

– Rego

Musings Episode 31: Lost… is a post from Rego’s Life.

“Change your thoughts…

Musings: Quote Wednesdays…

“Change your thoughts and you change your world.” Norman Vincent Peale

Our success is in our thoughts – so if you focus on the negative, the bad, the ugly, and the failures – you’ll get just that. If you focus on the positive, the good, the beautiful, and the success – you’ll get the positive…the good…the beautiful…and the success.

Always remember that.

Stay awesome. 😉

– Rego

P.S. – Go ahead and subscribe to my official site for a free eBook on How to Improve Your Lifestyle.

Musings Episode 29: Lifestyle…

Alright so…as you all know, my blog mainly focuses on lifestyle enhancements. But lately a lot of what I’ve been finding is, when you Google how to improve your lifestyle, or getting more from your money to enjoy life, most people talk about just being frugal, money conscious, or maintaining a dreaded “budget”…..damn I don’t like that word. Not in the slightest.

The question is….why? Why is it that lifestyle is associated with money? Well, for one – money is the modern day bartering system. So alright, fair enough there…

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…but why is it that people believe that money is what limits them? I believe in splurging and living practically – the best of both worlds. I’ve been blasted before because of this – many stating that method of thinking is easier said then done – but if you really look at how society is taught to utilize money, you’ll realize it’s not about budgeting, or clipping coupons, or getting that no-frills flight for a discounted ticket rate.

It’s about the way you look at money….and the way many are taught to look at money is a very weird way. I know I keep banging this into your head but as a whole, people are taught to be consumers. Now I’m not saying consumerism is bad, not at all. But the way in which you’re taught to be a consumer, may be detrimental to the way you’re also taught to achieve your real desires, and real goals.

There’s a saying – Americans live to work – Europeans work to live.

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What is living? It’s a definition custom tailored to each and every individuals concepts and goals. Yet still, as a majority, people are mostly taught what living is – not to define and teach themselves what it is.

Learning can be done two ways – the lazy way, or the easy way with a touch more effort on your part. You’re probably thinking “lazy and easy are the same, aren’t they?” – not necessarily so.

Lazy is auto pilot – which hey, sometimes I love autopilot. Push notifications, auto updates, automated money making, etc, etc….lazy can be fun as hell.

Easy can be auto pilot, but in order to be auto pilot, there has to be some sort of structure built first – when you think about it, lazy stems from easy, except it’s already put in place.

That’s how many who have learned how to live, have learned it the lazy way. This is especially so in any country where the mass majority intakes large amounts of tube time (television, if that didn’t register with you).

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Weeks ago I was at a friend’s working on a car with them, it was the weekend…and as we were driving out of the neighborhood, for the first time I saw a lot of people’s garage doors open – and when I looked inside…what do you think I saw?

Stuff.

Garages filled with stuff.

Here we were, driving through the community and where I thought most garages would look like their intended use, instead I saw tons of stuff, piled on top of each other however neatly people saw fit – and not being used. Forgotten about. Stored away for…whatever reason.

That’s not caring about yourself. That’s not the good kind of selfish. That’s temporary gratification to fulfill short term desires.

The commercials come on, they tell you you need this, and you want that, and you’re missing this, and you’re home wouldn’t be complete without that – and your daughter needs to learn how to be a mom, and your son needs to learn all things rough and tough and mechanical and tactical all before they’ve both even hit puberty. They tell you you’re better off with this credit card, because you can get more things – then months later if you’re still in lazy mode and the bill hasn’t been paid, they say it’s okay that you’re in debt and this and that company can help you – it’s not your fault, but those damn people who enticed you and held an imaginary gun to your head making you sign up for that card and this loan for that boat. They further encourage you – they say even if your financial track record is shot to shit it’s still okay, because they’ll help you finance and consume more irregardless, if you’re tired of that 2012 CLK500 and want the 2013 one now…

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….doesn’t all this sound exhausting?

but alas – you’ve learned the auto pilot way of living – what do you care? It hardly took any effort….

Wait though. You do care? Good, that’s what I want from you. To care. About yourself. Be selfish – in a good way. Not the way you’ve been taught.

Plain and simple, the easy way of living is this – exercise your imagination. Creativity. Attitude. Looking inside yourself – not at the TV, not listening to the radio commercials, not reading the junk literature…but looking inside yourself. Taking time out, day by day – even 30 minutes – that’s just 2% of your day – to strike up a conversation with you. Get to know what you like, what you want, what’s fun for you, what you enjoy buying – not what everyone else says that should be liked, should be desired, is fun, and is enjoyable to buy.

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There’s two roads – the road less traveled, and the most well known road. Take the less traveled one – because really, when you think about it, that’s your road. Free of pot holes, miles and miles of smooth, unbeaten pavement.

When you begin to teach yourself how to live, how to desire, and how to acquire – then you’re learning how to live – because you won’t be going off any cookie cutter template that’s already been made – but you’ll have your own identity. Side note – go ahead and subscribe on my official site for a free ebook on how to do this.

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You’ll be original in your own way. You’ll stand out above the crowd, and you’ll do it for you – not for anyone else. You’ll be selfish enough to find out and explore what makes you happy…and you won’t care whether or not you have the latest car or the newest iPhone – because you’ll go after what you really want, and not people judging you by what you should want.

It takes more effort, but the effort is minimal, and in fact, less stressful.

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Remember this – the person you see in the mirror – that’s your competition. That’s your audience. That’s your follower. When it comes to your life, and how to live it, as long as you do it in a positive and constructive way, to better yourself – then the only person you have to focus on getting things done for, is yourself.

Stay awesome. 😉

– Rego

Musings Episode 29: Lifestyle… is a post from and appeared first on Rego’s Life

Musings Episode 26: Go Big or Go Home….

Often, I set certain milestones in my life. One in particular is something I’ve done since I was a child. I’ve always had the philosophy of if you’re gonna do something, you might as well do it right, and do it big – and I still stick with that method of thinking today.

So for this musing, let’s really get down to the nitty gritty of that.

Life is meant to be lived. We’re meant to play hard – and work easy. The new rich know this – and they along with every new generation that’s popping up will soon master this skill to near perfection.

Life is about making an impression on the world – no matter how big or how small – as long as that impression matters to you.

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I’m not saying you have to get out there and start a peace movement, become the next Gandhi, or even Genghis Khan….you don’t even have to be famous. Making an impression on the world doesn’t even have to include being known by a lot of people.

There are tons of people who make large differences every day who will never be known by the mass majority – but they still live life large. Let me elaborate on this just to make it crystal clear:

Making an impression, is about living your life the way you want to – and doing it in as big a fashion as possible. It’s not about anyone else. Period.

When we’re teenagers, we all at some point have this “unstoppable” fearlessness in us – there’s no reason why we have to grow out of it. Growing up can sometimes be detrimental – to our imagination, our confidence, and our “can do” attitude.

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You’re probably wondering – if I’m saying it’s not about being internationally known – then how on earth do you go big exactly…?

Well it’s fairly simple –

You do all the things you want to do.

without hesitation, and without worry. Dream as big as you can possibly fathom – then dream bigger. Perform as best as you think you can – then perform better. Be as best as you can – then be better.

It’s all very simple…and should be kept simple.

You don’t let anyone hold you back – mentally or literally.

You don’t let anyone tear down your thoughts/ideas – that includes about yourself.

You don’t let anyone tell you what level YOU should be at (i.e. you’re still a baby, you’re not supposed to be this young and have this, how is it possible you got this, how about just doing this/being this way).

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When I dream – I dream BIG.

When I get stuff done – I make the end result BIG.

When I make my own style – I make the BEST.

When I set goals for myself – I don’t stop until I reach them.

This is what I mean when I say go big – Either give it your all, or give nothing at all. There is no in between – and if there is – if you are stuck in that grey area – sometimes it’s best to ask yourself:

Do I wanna be a race track success? Or an on the fence loser?

Ask yourself this, and I guarantee I know which one you’ll pick.

Stay awesome.

😉

– Rego

Musings Episode 26: Go Big or Go Home…. is a post from and appeared first on Rego’s Life

Musings Episode 25: Hate For No Reason…

So this weekend’s been kind of up and down for me…

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At first I thought it was a joke, but now I’ve realized a person I once talked to, got along with, and really thought was cool people hates me.

Hates me.

….and I’ve no real idea why. I’ve considered just confronting them directly about it – but a few other friends of mine have advised against it. Yet I prefer getting to the bottom of things asap – no bars, no holding back, just straight talk. In situations like these it’s better to just shoot straight, get it over and done with.

Thing is, I don’t think the person has the guts to do it [openly state their hate] to my face. Which annoys me. If someone has the audacity to hate someone – and openly state it to others – but never directly say it to the person the negative energy is directed at – then that person is a coward.

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In relation to social matters, I have one main philosophy – hate for no reason, is unwarranted hostility. I don’t do well at all with unwarranted hostility. I find it unnecessary, time consuming, and a bad channel for energy. I tend to give everyone a decent level of respect, and have these mental “respect meters” in my head….if a person starts hating me for no reason though, or unnecessary negative experiences are thrown my way – the meter drops….and in turn so does my opinion of the person.

If it drops below a certain point, I no longer find it necessary for that person – that negative energy, to be in my life. Plain and simple.

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This got me wanting to write a bit about why hate for no reason – or hate in general, is something that should really be avoided. Dislike is inevitable at times – especially if there are valid, legitimate reasons…but disliking/hating someone without reasoning, is probably the worst thing you can do to another human being – not to mention yourself.

I’d like to touch on this lightly, as getting dark really isn’t my cup of tea. If I go dark I’ll only do it if the situation really calls for it.

So – hate. Why do people do it…? Why does it exist…? Why is it more frequent than it’s opposite, love?

it’s far easier to hate – but it takes far more energy. Energy that easily turns into negative energy. With enough focus on hate at the end of the day someone could render themselves sick – just by the way their energy has been focused.

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Negative energy is a waste of time and effort. While without it we would never know it’s opposite – positive energy – at the same time after getting familiarized with it you’d think people would prefer to avoid it. It can knock you off course, make you less focused, and consume your thoughts.

If you regularly work out, it can actually lower your immune system thus hindering workouts and performance. This is why fitness consultants advise people to try and eliminate as much stress as humanly possible from their day to day lives. Stress, anger, sadness, any kind of negative emotion that releases LDLs and VLDLs (lipoproteins that create “bad” cholesterol) more often, and contribute to excess cholesterol levels increasing. Stress has a tendency to release the “fight or flight” adrenaline used when in a dangerous situation – it pumps out adrenaline when it’s not really called for or needed.

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Stress and building up hate inside yourself isn’t the only thing that can actually transmit negative energy or “vibes” your way – but interestingly enough so can someone sitting and thinking on their resentment towards you. It’s what many people, both religious and non-religious, and some cultures recognize as the evil eye.

Remember that saying “if looks could kill?” it also ties in here. This is why some cultures believe if someone is having recent, frequent negative experiences go on in their lives it’s potentially from an outside source – a person or thing that has negative energy directed at them, thus causing chaos and confusion.

This is where silver owned signifying redemption or mercy, and talismans come in. Some also believe that any negative energy can be removed with the burning of sage, etc.

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Energy, a lot of times is so overlooked. It’s what people in the 70’s called “vibes” – “you’re killing my vibe man,” really in effect meant one person could be making another feel a certain pulse of unwanted energy.

So when you think about it – this applies across the board.

When people are in romantic relationships, they feel desired, wanted, loved.

When people have good platonic friendships or great family support, they feel appreciated, needed, important.

….and when people are in conflicting situations or go through negative experiences they’re left feeling disrupted, uneasy, confused, on guard.

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This is why it’s so important to filter or screen. Some people can, and will suck the life out of you. Chase Amante wrote a great article on this, about “psychic vampires.”

And really that’s what life is all about – going forward, getting better, and eliminating negative experiences.

When you walk down the street, you walk around or step over shit – not go through it. It’s as simple as that – anything negative in your life, you have complete control over whether or not to keep it there.

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So let go, and continue making you a better you. Just like I’m doing it’s better to kick the feeling out of your system rather than let it sit there. It just takes a little will power – hence why every single being on this earth was given free will. Humans and only humans – no thing else.

Stay sharp.

– Rego

Musings Episode 25: Hate For No Reason… is a post from and appeared first on Rego’s Life

Musings Episode 23: Hesitation…

Alright so as you’ve all noticed I’ve been pretty busy this week….yet within all that busyness it brought to my attention the topic of hesitation.

“Hesitation will kill you.”

Is a phrase I grew up learning. So…slowly as I got older, I consciously trained myself to hesitate less and less. Keep in mind – hesitation and thinking something through before doing it are not the same thing. They’re vastly different and have their own pros and cons – hesitation having more cons. For many, hesitation increases more as they age.

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My thoughts on hesitation? Personally, I think it’s inefficient. There are times when it’s beneficial, yes, but for the most part it can hold a lot of people back from their dreams, goals, and going after what they really want…and really, that’s what life is all about – moving towards those things – not being afraid and just dipping your toe in the water.

Hesitation can make you stumble and falter, where thinking things through allows you to look at a situation from all angles. Both can have the same ending, however – if you take too long in thinking something through that’s just the same as hesitation – in fact, you could almost say taking too long to think things through could turn into hesitation – merely because of the fact you may over think, thus creating fear, and in turn hesitation.

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Years ago, I was on a warpath with hesitation – I’ve always been driven and ambitious, and never too fond of things that hinder my ability to do more, see more, and be better. So hesitation and I…? We never really saw eye-to-eye. I made up my mind that whatever I did I would:

  • Always look at the situation from all angles
  • After assessing the situation, look at how it contributed to my life
  • If it did indeed have potential to contribute to my life, take the leap and rarely look back

I won’t lie – there were some hiccups where I got burned from this method of thinking – but practice makes perfect, and mistakes are an education. So eventually I learned to assess situations more quickly and accurately, look at the even bigger picture, and then watch as hesitation slowly became non-existent.

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She still stops by to visit every now and again – but usually I close the front door in her face 😉

What I’m trying to say is, it’s not hesitation you should encourage, because really, that only breeds fear – and fear, my friend, can kill a person. So if fear is really a sense of hesitation, and people as they age become more fearful, what does that mean…?

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Is exactly what that means. Which is why I’m stressing it’s better to instead stop, and think. Both with your head, and your gut. Again – this is not hesitation – but situational assessment.

So if you’ve been wanting to launch your own business or website, assess all the angles and find the best path – but don’t hesitate. Things such as “someday I’ll do that,” “someday I’ll travel there,” “someday I’ll learn this,” are just cop-outs and excuses out of fear. That word “someday” is vague and noncommittal to goal setting, which really translates to “I’m too afraid of the possible outcome which is making me hesitant so I’ll probably never do it anyway.”

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How will you ever know if something will turn out right/good/successful if you never even try? An outcome from an experience is better than no outcome at all due to lack of trying the experience.

100% effort with 75% success is better than 0% effort and %100 of “what if.”

Remember this, and slowly begin to work on yourself. As we age society tries to teach us that we become wiser – yet on the back hand it also tries to teach us that we become more frail, weak, unable to do different things – especially in old age. I think this is bollocks.

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Ignore that whole mantra.

Choose when you get older.

Choose when you get wiser.

Make it your business to make yourself better.

Make it your business to eliminate fear.

Make it your business to be stronger, smarter, faster, richer, well-versed, travelled, literate, suave, and anything else you can possibly fathom.

Hesitation is something that whispers in your ear you may not be good enough.

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It’s up to you to push it away, put your ear buds in, and walk on to the rhythm of your own beat, your own desires, and your own, better, ideal self-image. We came to this earth to achieve perfection, to be our best selves, and to experience all the good and epic things it has to offer.

Like I mentioned in one of my previous musings, anything we imagine exists – if it didn’t exists, we wouldn’t be able to imagine it. This is how society has grown so big today – this is how inventions were made. Imagination, fueled by full on fearlessness – no hesitation, no doubts, just persistence and realization of all possible angles.

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When you can do that – when you can do something, without that churning, uneasy feeling in your stomach starting up – and instead go forward with a calm, warm feeling…you’ve beaten hesitation. You know what you want, when you want it, how you want things to go, and that you deserve every good idea that pops into your head.

Keep your eye on the ball 😉

– Rego

Musings Episode 23: Hesitation… is a post from and appeared first on Rego’s Life

Musings Episode 14: Friends for Friends….or Friends for Money….?

So  my friends and I were all sitting around this weekend by the pool, and remembering exactly how each and every one of us first met. Some at coffee shops or events, others through other friends…and it kind of bled into the topic about how exactly people acquire friends as they age.

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Obviously by getting out there more and having more experiences, from travel to dance classes, yachting to hanging out at a decent lounge bar, you make friends one way or the other. Well really, acquaintances when you think about it – then there’s a filtration process. My buddies and I discussed that as well and that’s probably the most frustrating part.

Most of my friends run in the same circle – and by circle I mean way of thinking. Entrepreneurial, driven, independent, forward thinking. We all work, and play hard – well, maybe play a bit harder than we work 😉 after all the motto is work smart, not hard.

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What exactly do I mean by filtering? Well, I’m not trying to go on a rant here, while picking up acquaintances is easy, it’s finding genuine friends that requires a bit of skill. You’ve all heard it at some point before – in movies, general conversation, through music. While being successful is great, sometimes it’s an absolute drag when people get to know you better.

Think of it like this – you happen to meet someone – in public, at the grocery store, through a social event, maybe shooting pool or going bowling, joining a fencing class in your area or hitting up a dojo because you’ve been wanting to try out Aikido for months now. You two exchange a few words, hit it off really well, get each other’s contact info. You invite them out, either with other friends or maybe to party it up somewhere, maybe go for some hookah.

Somewhere nice. Hookah's always better when it's someplace nice.

Somewhere nice. Hookah’s always better when it’s someplace nice.

Turns out you guys have a lot in common – both into sports, both into great music, both into travel and open to other cultures. It’s great – ever had those kind of conversations where it’s not forced and it just flows really well? Yeah – those are awesome. So you talk, talk, talk the night away. Bond with some hookah, bond with some drinks, hell, you may even become wing men/women and hit on people together.

Things seem great – until something happens. It could be the first time, could be the second, third even. Bottom line is – it happens…

…and usually, it leaves you with that sick, churning kind of feeling in your stomach. The “oh no…not again” type.

The bill comes, and they ask if you can cover some of their portion for it.

Or the bill comes, and they say ask if you can spot them this time because you’re “good for it.”

Or…my favorite, because it’s just so damn funny – the opposite (or same, for some) sex, says that you’re good for it, and while they may not have enough cash – they have something else for you afterwards if you do front their half of the bill. Then just kind of…nudge or press into you and wink.

After all....sex sells. For some. I'll pass though, thanks.

After all….sex sells.
For some. I’ll pass though, thanks.

Now don’t get me wrong here – I love treating people. I love buying a bottle or two and passing it around the table. I love buying food for everyone or buying every other round of drinksHowever – when it’s expected that it should be done automatically, sheerly based off the fact someone is under the assumption you’re better off than them – even if they may be doing pretty damn well for themselves. This absolutely irks me.

My friend Luke (no, not the one from Star Wars) absolutely hates it as well.

Why?

Well, because honestly it kind of makes a person feel like they’re being used. Taken for. Taken advantage of. Sort of like if someone’s looking at you, and you look into their eyes, and instead of the reflection of yourself – you see dollar signs. Their eyes are lit up, bright and green, with paper.

As green as this girl's shirt.

Almost as green as this girl’s dress.

And again hey, don’t get me wrong, this doesn’t just happen with successful men – so fellas, before you go on a rant about how women are gold diggers, there are plenty of guys out there who seduce women for the thing humans so highly hold called money. Don’t believe me? Check out the movie Spread (2009).

…and this is where the filtration process kicks in.

My friends and I all have different tactics – one of them when inviting new people out, attempts to have the most boring outing of their life, just so they can see whether or not the person wants to be their friend because they want to hang out with them. Not their money. You’re probably asking why they’d go out and do something boring – well, think about it…

…you’re out and about, having a good time, at a live music venue, yadda yadda. Or maybe you’re both playing squash or out racing go karts. Naturally, a setting has been created, where you’re both having fun. This really eliminates the need for any form of meaningful conversation. The fun is there – the mind is focused on said fun. The engagement is already there.

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Prepare to get owned.

It’s like video games – or even better it’s like watching a movie – you don’t really engage with each other – you just watch the movie, and maybe share some brief thoughts about it afterwards. Which is why I’m really not a fan of suggesting those type of things in my dating life, for a first date. It’s an inefficient use of time, and an exit for pushing yourself to become a conversationalist.

My point is creating a boring atmosphere really accomplishes two things:

  1. It pulls people out of their shell and gets them to talk – instead of fiddling with their phone.
  2. It reveals whether a person wants to get to know you or your money.

So when you’re sitting there with nothing but a Dos Equis in one hand and the view of the beach across the street, you’ve gotta actually think about what to talk about. What questions to ask, topics to pick, etc, etc. The best part about this is – you can get a relatively clear reading on the person. Not doing an all too engaging activity gives you time to study body language, eye movement, facial expressions (which tell you a LOT, like if someone’s lying – if you pay attention), and much more.

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This is the best way to get to know a person…and besides, before all the technology, before all the awesome things that were created for having a great time graced human existence today, this is how we started out – through conversation. Literature was once the fuel that flamed this fire – reading about different things, educating ourselves, studying an atlas, breaking down and comprehending poetry, all that jazz….

…and by conversating with and reading people, often you’ll find you can read their thoughts. Their motives. Their intentions. Their hearts.

You can tell if they wanna get to know you, for you.

Not your bank account.

Stay smart…and you’ll stay happy.

– Rego

Musings Episode 14: Friends for Friends….or Friends for Money….? is a post from and appeared first on Rego’s Life

Musings Episode 6: Leadership, Justified Anger, and Professionalism

This week I really wanted to talk about main aspects of business where you see a lot of articles written about but rarely ever really discussed…it’s usually the cookie cutter version you see, but never the real side.

So I thought I’d talk about how the three points – leadership, justified anger, and professionalism all tie into each other, but are seldom used together successfully.

First off, let’s go with leadership. What really makes a good leader? Most would say someone who is good at giving orders and direction. Others would say someone who has the power of persuasion…and still others would say one who is quick at making decisions when a problem arises and they have to direct an entire team.

While all of these may be true, the other critical parts are kind of, shied away in the corner. What about leaders who show consistency? Resilience? Who are quick to make a decision AND slow to change their mind? Or, how about a leader who knows how to project the image of leadership but not the image of a tyrant or jackass?

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Many times, especially today, leaders are thought to be powerful and feared, with a sort of dictator-type presence to them…fear and intimidation are taught to be the defining attributes of a good leader, having everyone tremble when you walk into the room…pair it with a hot temper when an employee screws up or doesn’t deliver, and you’ve got yourself an office nazi.

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But really, when we think about it, it’s this type of fear that causes many of a leader’s subordinates to begin developing a smoldering, slow resentment or disdain for their supervisor, which can have more detrimental than successful results.

While the whip and sheckels tactic may have worked for some of humanity’s prior ancestors in the days of Egypt, what many corporations today don’t realize is that this kind of method can make a company lose tons of money.

The way a business owner, manager, or any kind of supervisor treats their employees or subordinates plays a big role in productivity, work efficiency, and morale…and frankly, I believe these are the things that are being sorely overlooked nowadays.

Sure, you may be able to get away with barking at Joe’s back all day everyday for a week because he’s the new kid on the block, but within a month there is a high probability Joe is going to feel frustrated, stressed, angry, and non-chalant about his job, and he’s pretty much going to experience a huge morale drop.

Joe also may become a tad edgy. Just a tad.

This kind of thing would then create a domino effect of decreased work performance, meaning more mistakes, less attention to detail, and even a “fuck it all” attitude towards any work that gets pushed Joe’s way. This ultimately leads to overall sub-par effort and a decrease in company profit.

The sad part is Joe could be a really great employee. I’ve seen so many employees who put 300% effort into their work get metaphorically kicked around and abused, or short changed and taken advantage of by employers who don’t realize they’ve hired a potential gold mine, if they just changed their leadership tactics…these same employees eventually give up, instead kicking themselves into “auto pilot mode” and giving at most 75%, feeling like work is a never-ending  spiral of monotany.

Hell, whenever I used to do hiring and even present day, I look for many things average employers don’t – and I’ll turn down many who try to kiss my ass on the first meet.

I believe employees should be directed as such: I like to make sure my hirees know responsibility, accountability, self-confidence but humbleness, and knowing when and how to stand up for themselves. I’ll treat my employees as my equal so long as it’s understood the respect is on a contingent basis of their performance and responsibility for their own actions.

They have to, have to, HAVE TO, be the type to own up to their mistakes without fear, or fear of judgment. Everyone fucks up sometimes, but admitting you did takes courage – and courage shows initiative – and initiative shows leadership.

If an employee shows me genuine effort – which doesn’t mean working themselves to the bone – and knows how to maximize time efficiency while showing independent thinking, I grab such a person and hold onto them by treating them as a business partner – not a subordinate.

Business Day

Because when you think about it – everyone is a partner in business, it’s a team effort. If one “gear” stops working or is neglected, eventually the whole machine starts having problems.

So I treat my employees as my equal, and when disciplinary action arises, enforce it. After all, whipping a horse so many times will only make it become numb to the feeling after a while.

This leads me to my next point – justifiable anger. So many employers nowadays look at aggression as a power tool, showing dominance and “who’s boss”. Little do they realize this type of controlling attitude long-term gets them nowhere.

I tend to think the opposite…because anger is a two way street. A supervisor could think that consistently seeming angry at everyone in the business is equivalent to running a ship with an iron fist, but what they fail to realize is that through the false anger – legitimate anger can materialize – on the employees side.

Jusitifiable anger can be defined by examples such as this: If an employer constantly barks at and criticizes the employee that is doing their work, as mentioned earlier, eventually this employee can, and will develop a slow, smoldering resentment towards their supervisor.

This is justified anger. The same way some employers who have administrative assistants, get the people who work under that job title to run millions of errands for them. The admin assistant may carry out everything to a T – but if it’s eating a huge hole in their pocket, eventually that assistant will begin to become stressed due to unnecessary financial expense variables they had not originally planned to come out of their wages…and by becoming stressed become irritated…and irritated then becomes aggravation, and aggravation becomes frustration…and frustration, anger.

When you have employees in this state, the power of persuasion is powerless. Hence why many supervisors find themselves only getting employees to carry out a task one of two ways – through forced command, or half-assedly…and they wonder why.

The funny thing is, the whole concept of how to treat an employee, or any person for that matter still boils down to the one rule everyone learned in kindergarten but always seems to forget as they age:

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This doesn’t mean just being nice to someone – it also means when problems arise standing up for yourself, and expecting other to do the same.

Such a simple, no-brainer rule…yet still many seem to forget. Sure it may sound silly to some – but this rule can get businesses – and anyone really, on the right track and in line with the prosperity they’ve been looking for. It also makes for a stress free environment. Who doesn’t want that???

I highly recommend checking out All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten, by Robert Fulghum. It’s a read you won’t wanna pass up.

Stay awesome.

– Rego

Musings Episode 6: Leadership, Justified Anger, and Professionalism is a post from and appeared first on Rego’s Life